Do Over

Kids all over the world have used a do over as a way to go back and try again. The grown-up version of this is the mulligan where so many people, mostly men, try to impress so many others and yet the absolute worst shot ever taken by anyone swinging a golf club can be excused without a thought as a part of golfs long standing "etiquette."

Oh how nice that would be!! To be able to go back to the beginning of school and realize that it was not just simply something you did to bridge the gap between waking up and going to practice. To be able to go back and not be a complete ass to you mother, father, sisters, or grandmothers. To go back and listen to the advice your grandfather was trying to tell you.

How about either not having a relationship Freshman year at The College of Wooster with the most beautiful, wonderful, athletic woman you met in pre-season while your girlfriend of three months is back in Providence sending you amazing letters that smelled so good that when they first arrived you were instantly home with her. Or maybe going back and not breaking up with that amazing woman and instead just waiting to go home for the holidays to do the right thing at home. Or maybe just going back to not screw the whole thing up.

Maybe fixing the decision to leave D-III Wooster for Rhode Island with "disillusions of grandeur," which by the way is most definitely genetic.

Fixing the choices of bad women over the years, or the bad decisions with women, whichever way that goes, you would have to ask my family and friends about that one. Fixing the inability to not spend money, on things, people, lost causes. Fixing the choices on the job that may have made things a bit smoother, a bit more tolerable for all.

How about just simply fixing the biggest fix of all, somehow finding a way to determine what it was that I was truly meant to do, what it was that I truly wanted to do, and doing that all my life and loving it, rather than always doing what was expected, responsible, and not even considering anything else.

The only thing I am sure I would not fix is the decision to say yes to my grandmothers, that I would not change. No do over necessary there.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Peace

Her final days, weeks, months did not have to be like this, but they were. Her final years did not have to be so lonely, but they were, but in the end, when it was time, they both found each other, they both let go of whatever was between them all those years, and were just together, at peace.

I wish for both things could have been much different many years ago. I wish that both could have seen sooner what was so plain, so clear. I wish that all the time, all the moments, all the conversations, and dinners, that they could have allowed themselves to enjoy them sooner, but in the end they were very much mother and daughter, very much together, very much the way they should have been.

June 3, 2010 at 10:15 PM, almost exactly five months shy of one hundred years, or ninety three, depending on who was counting, she closed her eyes and took her last breath as her daughter held her hand. She finally stopped fighting, she finally just let go.

For the record the food at our friends restaurant is awful. I too have trouble seeing how someone can charge so much for such a small piece of steak. There is no doubt that you could get much better food in New York. That is where she belonged, New York, with her boyfriends, and her tennis partners, her shopping buddies, and her bankers.

The little boy never quite looked the same in that little back yard as he did standing guard over the expanse that was the yard at 35 Crescent Drive. She could have been the queen, but that is for another time.

They are both at peace now. This horrible thing that happened, did not need to happen, but then again maybe it did. They were mother and daughter in the end, and now will be forever.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Perfection and Grace

Armando Galarraga did not pitch a perfect game tonight against the Cleavland Indian, or did he. Umpire Jim Joyce did not work a perfect game, and Galarraga's teammates, coaches, and manager definitely did not display the perfect reaction to what comes down to a simple, human mistake.

Nonetheless, Armando Galarraga was perfect tonight, perfect in his wry smile on his face after the blown call with two outs in the ninth inning, perfect in his controlling his emotions enough to record what was essentially his twenty eighth out in a row, and perfect, not just in his response, or lack thereof, as he walked off the field, but even more so later when interviewed by those professional "pot stirrers" ESPN.

ESPN Interview

In the interview link above you can hear a man that is both comfortable with the fact that people make mistakes, and that umpires are not perfect, and that regardless what the record books say he was in fact perfect. This is a man that has no anger in his voice, no resentment, and a man that sounds truly at piece, happy. In today's world of gross entitlement, based on what happened tonight and Armando's reaction and response to the entire event, I would say that Armando Galarraga was in fact perfect, in the game, and even more so afterward. How refreshing!!

On the same day we saw perfection in multiple ways in Detroit, we saw grace in Seattle.

Ken Griffey, Jr., with no fanfare whatsoever, no press conference, no "victory lap," nothing more than a call to his owner to say that he did not want to "become a distraction," retired from the game of baseball. After 22 years in the game, 630 home runs, thirteen all-star appearances, a streak of ten straight gold glove awards, named to Rawlings All-Time Gold Glove team, and an AL MVP award Griffey simply walked away.

Again in a time of entitlement run a muck, Ken Griffey, Jr., one of the best to ever play the game, did not feel the need for one more clap, one more home run trot, one more high five. Again, how refreshing!!

When I looked at the home run list, after Barry Bonds, the overinflated one, and before Sammy Sosa, a similarly overinflated one, you have four names on the home run list, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays, and Ken Griffey Jr.. Perfection and grace.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Sweet Carolina

Ripped jeans, perfect smile, sassy attitude, beaches, storms, water, sailing.

"In my mind I'm gone to Carolina..." JT

The appeal is so very real, it is palpable. Is there still undisturbed coast left?? Is there room for romantic walks, watching sunrises, seeing the moon shimmer off the water while laying with that special someone as that cool evening Carolina air rolls in.

Waking up to the fog, and the moisture droplets on the windows, and the screens, on the dock, and in the boat.

She is worth the wait Carolina is, she is so worth the wait.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

R.I.P Rico

No one learns from anyone else. Everyone is invincible. Too many die too young. It is all avoidable, or is it.

I was invincible once, or so I thought. I have definitely had more than nine lives. The lucky ones get to look back and see just how amazingly lucky we all were to survive, but why if we all know this, and if there are so many unfortunate examples out there, does this keep happening.

The only way to keep someone from doing something stupid is to physically stop them and even then there is no guarantee. We don'r try hard enough. We don't yell loud enough. We don't put ourselves out there enough to say "hey, guess what, we did it, it was stupid, we are lucky to be alive."

We also don't take enough time to make certain these examples are taken with the weight they should. It is ok to say to a student, a player, a young person on the street, you are worth more than this. You have your whole big, beautiful, long life ahead of yourself and don'y f--- it up. So few take the time, or have the courage to put themselves out there that those that do are viewed as weird for caring, different, "sketchy."

When did it become "sketchy" to care, to try and help, to try and make a difference. I don't know the answer exactly, but somewhere between 1976 and 2001.

We have created this world where any real show of caring or emotion, any attempt by a "stranger" to do something nice, is met with skepticism, as best. We need to turn this around. We need to fight back. We need to make it ok again for people to be good to one another and to care. We need to not accept complacency as the norm anymore, and active caring as different, or we will continue to lose our children!!

I learned from you Dirk, I couldn't get to you, but I learned. R.I.P. Dirk.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

49 Down One To Go

I did not do this on purpose, and I definitely would not have waited this long if I could have done something different, but this was well worth the wait.

Our 49th state was my 49th state, and for those of you who slept through American history, or geography like I did, our 49th state was the Alaskan Territory, and boy does that land deserve such a title.

I had great expectations going to Alaska for my first time, unreasonable expectations, and for a little while I was greatly disappointed, but that did not last long.  Not only did I enjoy where I stayed in Anchorage, felt as if I was back in Switzerland, but leaving Anchorage on the "milk run," and getting to see the mountains and the glaciers, and the "glacial flows" as we made our way towards Juneau one third of the way to normal cruising altitude, I was catapulted well beyond my expectations.  It is a "territory" like no other.  This is the kind of place that makes you want to just pick up and walk into the wilderness and keep on going.  I can understand why a Christopher McCandless, or Jeremiah Johnson, would do what they did.  The only thing I do not understand is what the hell took me so long to get to these places I have seen in the past six months??!!

The one aspect where I had no expectations, because frankly it never entered my mind, was the people.  These are nice people.  These are warm people.  These are fun people, and some are beautiful people, very!!

I can't say that I am dying to get to 50 because Hawaii has just never been high on my list of places to see, the Badlands and Devil's Tower were much more of a draw for me, but I can say that now I have to find a way to get back to Alaska for a much longer stay with nothing to do but take it in.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Rain

All alone
Falling down
Wired up
Revved up
Abandoned
Abused
Forgotten
Broken
Bruised
Torn
Misunderstood
Invisible
Mute
Sad
Old
Unhealthy

Helpless

Thank you again for getting this far with me.