Manny Being Manny

If once a year, let’s say your company’s second quarter of their fiscal year, all of the hallway conversation, and the company newsletter, and the folks your saw every day in their normal commute, spoke of nothing but the possibility that your company’s executive board was thinking about firing you, what would you do? If every day you went to work you did the best job you could, and you were bringing in more money than anyone else in all of sales, and if in the process of doing that job you occasionally were heard saying something that was then taking out of context, or seen doing your job and perceived to be doing it in an unorthodox manner, even though you were the best sales person they had, and people around the office starting saying well that’s just “Sue being Sue,” or that’s just “Joe being Joe,” what would you do?

Have you ever seen the movie “Falling Down” with Michael Douglas as a very “normal” every day guy who just happens to kill a whole bunch of people because he has had enough of whatever people are saying and whatever they are doing. That movie is what I believe most people would do if faced with what I described in the first paragraph, maybe not in year one, or two, or three, but what about year even? Now imaging that it is your summer softball league, or lacrosse league, or your men’s hockey league, or your lunchtime hoops during the week, and your pals that you have been playing with year in and year out, summer after summer, are always talking about maybe you should play for a different club because if you do maybe they could replace you with someone better, easier to get along with, more “normal.”

My personal opinion is that most people faced with any sort of issues like this would not even have the strength to act out, they would go straight home, open beer one of many, Bud, or make martini one of many, or just go straight for the pint of Ben and Jerry’s. In know that if as you left work every day, or the field, or the court, hundreds of moronic reporters were asking you if it were true, or how you felt, or “why did the copier jam before you had all you needed for that sales proposal,” that you would run the other way in tears, that’s all of you, men and women.

Manny being Manny is something the press came up with. There are baseball players that actually just like playing the game, and Manny, in my estimation, is one of them. He is a kid at the ballpark playing a game, and he just happens to do it better than most, but he would much rather just play than have to live up to Manny being Manny because no one ever could. The press created it, and even they couldn’t define it if being pressed to do so, so how is Manny supposed to live up to it.

I think it is great that the LA area and the Dodgers’ fan, team, management, have accepted Manny Ramirez as he is and appreciated him for it. It is unfortunate that the Boston area and the Boston fans, team, management could not have done so. But then they started this crazy thing called getting rid of talent way back when, what was his name…oh yah, Babe Ruth, and then Pudge and Mo, and Nomar, and Derick Lowe, Rodger, Johnny, Pedro…the list is too long. Most, if not all, had more to offer and none were treated well on the way out. Man would I love to see Sox – Dodgers in the series…I know who I would root for…

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

The Long and Winding Road

Obviously a great song and a title I felt like stealing tonight. It is funny because the more I do this the longer the list of possible topics becomes. It is fun to have people saying, in the middle of a conversation, “hey you should blog about that.” Actually if I think of myself as “blogging” and not writing I will probably stop, in fact I still think of this as writing on a blank piece of paper, even though it is virtual paper, please don’t anyone tell me it’s not real paper.

I have wanted to be married since I was four, yes I said four. That is the first time, definitely not the last, that I asked one of my sister’s friends to marry me, yes I said marry me. Obviously I am a romantic, but what you don’t know is that apparently I was born that way. I have had this view in my head of my life that has included a beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, smartass of a wife, kids, an amazing house and a “rainbow” of labs, somewhere in the mountains, with lots of green and gold, flowing fields all around, or on the coast, East coast, where early morning runs on the beach, and waking up to the sunrise, falling asleep to the sound of the waves, are all included. The reason some of this is not entirely decided is that as a kid I spent my winters on skis, and my summers on the water, sailing and body surfing and running along the beach every evening. Writing about it now makes me sad, one because I truly loved my time there/then, and two because now that I have reached this age without any of this I am not convinced I will have it, or even if I do that it will be as I planned, hoped, dreamed.

Friends and family have been consistent over the years about two things without any deviation, “you are going to make someone a great husband,” and “you are going to be a great father.” I actually have never really disagreed, and when I was younger I think I actually felt fairly confident about this myself, but my view has changed some as I have moved through life, and through relationships. Actually, what is funny is that a few weeks ago I was leaving Starbucks, which is right downstairs from where I live and work, and their exit is a long straight wheelchair ramp with a railing and tables and chairs along the railing on the inside, and I looked to my left, the inside, and saw a tiny little boy, inside the very tight and ornate iron base of one of the tables. He was having a great deal of fun, but his mother was pretty nervous because she had not seen him get into this spot and did not have any idea how to get him out. I was about half way down the ramp, and so at a good height to see him, and just said “what’s up little man, are you having fun?” He looked at me with a huge smile and big blue eyes, as if to say “not much man, just hanging out having a cup’a joe.” I reached out and he took hold of my thumbs and as I gently lifted him out, with him helping, I brought him up to my shoulder into my arms and we chatted for a minute, as much as one can chat with a nine month old baby, and then I handed him back to his mom and headed for the door. The young man started to cry as I swung the door open and so I peaked back and he was looking at me. I went back in and picked him up and we chatted and played for about fifteen minutes until he was hungry when he then decided that mommy was the answer and I left.

Kids have always loved me and I have always loved kids, same with pets and old folks. It is people in the middle that do stupid things and treat each other, strangers, our country and our planet poorly that I have always had a problem with, and they with me.

A few years ago a student of mine asked “hey rock, how did you get to be forty without getting married?” I guess it was more than a few years ago now, but anyway, my answer was pretty simple, it ain’t hard. You have a few long term relationships that do not end in marriage, for whatever reason, and then the length of time it takes to get over that fact increases each time, and before you know it you can plot the “long and winding road” of failed relationships and recovery time on logarithmic scale. It is funny, I really can’t spell, thanks Bill for the help, but when it comes to Logarithmic I have no problem.

One relationship was in college and after college. The next was in graduate school and then law school for her and then the recovery and a decade was gone, and the next, and last serious relationship was something like the Titanic, big beautiful ship leaving the port with lots of fanfare and hope and promise and excitement followed by all sorts of celebrations and parties and festivities “aboard” the “ship” and then we hit the “iceberg” and all of a sudden I was Gene Hackman trying desperately to get to the surface to cut through the hull to get air!! I know that I just combined two different movies, but call it poetic liscence, it worked for me.

My father has been saying forever that I choose the wrong women; sorry to those of you who know who you are, but unfortunately the older I get the more my father has turned out to be right about everything he has ever said. Please, nobody tell him because although he knows about the blog and he loves to read, he is also the busiest retired person on the planet, so if you don’t tell him I said he is right he will never know. There are a number of other things he has always said that also have turned out to be true, but I think this is the only one I should put out for general consumption. What is really scary about this is that a few weeks ago I was speaking with one of my great aunts, and I reminded her of one of his favorite sayings about women, and at the exact same time my uncle was in the background saying the same thing to her that I was. They grew up together and are a year apart in age, yes, they are uncle and nephew, but this was a large Italian family and these things happen.

I am going to wrap up for now, and yes I realize that I have just spent about 1200 words saying absolutely nothing, but I hope some of it made you smile, or laugh, or both. It is funny, as I write some of this, and as all the writing has begun to bring back a bunch of memories, I have realized that thus far I have had two pretty incredible lives, some of it really good, some of it really bad, but incredible just the same. I have only really touched on a bit of life number one tonight, but I will try and share more as we go. Maybe sometime soon I will tell you about the “fun” table at the family weddings. Not sure any of you are ready for that.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

The Angry Blogger

I do not want to be the angry blogger. I was all set tonight to rant and rave about something I saw, but I just really, really, really do not want to be the angry blogger, so I will simply say this, I would hope that in a town where anything goes and people gather, act like idiots, drink until they don’t know who they are, burn couches in the street without arrests, in a town like that I would just hope that two bicycle cops could find a better way to impress a very young lady than to harass a homeless woman who never bothers anyone and is just out enjoying the evening like everyone else. End of rant.

That being said, you need to know that I discovered last night that I can rent, or buy, movies from Blockbuster on-line!! This is amazing news, and really not a good thing. Ok the word really cannot be used again tonight. I go to the local Blockbuster and I know everyone that works there, I have written about this already, and I walk out with handfuls of movies at a time and then bring them back when I am done and repeat as necessary. Now I know that I can do this from the very chair I am sitting in right now. I just want to predict another forty pound weight gain on its way.

So to take this process for a test drive I bought, not rented, but bought Field of Dreams last night. This is a movie that I once had on VHS, but I watched it so many times that it broke and I have been wanting to replace it, which I accomplished last night on-line. I now know why the generation after me is sooooooo screwed up.

Sorry, I should not use language like that, but I tell you it is amazing to me that there are college age students that do not know what a fraction is, they have not read even the most significant of the classics, some of them, you might want to sit down for this, do not even know how to read a map. I know because these are things I have taught students on a college campus, one to break up the monotony of a fifteen week term, and two so I can sleep at night knowing there are now less students wondering around lost without a map.

It is crazy, I bought a GPS this year for some trips I had coming up, and I am glad I did, and on top of that my phone now has GPS and Google maps and a bunch of other stuff that I will only need if I get hit on the head and dropped in the middle of New York City, although there is still the ability to ask someone. Unfortunately, if you are in college now, you were never taught any of these things, you had a computer and a cell phone and a GPS and who knows what else placed in your crib waiting for you when you came home from the hospital. You have never actually had a conversation with anyone, you have just e-mailed and text, you have never needed to read a map because either you have the two or three gizmos I mentioned in your car, or someone has driven you everywhere all your life, or mommy has written every little detail of your drive down, no wait a minute she probably printed it off for you from her computer using Mapquest.

I actually think all of this stuff is great, it makes everyday life a little easier, at least sometimes, but if you have no back-up for when the electricity goes off, or your battery dies, because you know no other way, I then become worried not just about you, but everyone else on the planet as we become the minority that knew how to survive without all the “comforts” of the computer age. If you have not watched “Live Free of Die Hard” please watch it, all of it but the ending, because it really makes you think about what would happen if someone decided to unplug us for a while.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

X-Ray Vision

Ok, so it has been a weird week and it is late, but there are so many things running through my brain that I wanted to at least try and get this one down.

It has bothered me for years and years the way people view each other, in general, and especially the way people are viewed when trying to get a job. There are a number of instances that come to mind, the first of which is when President Clinton first entered office and was beginning to appoint, and/or nominate people for all the positions that need to be filled. This is an overused phrase, but I do remember this like it was yesterday because the statement, and the process, struck me as so odd. President Clinton and his “people” made a huge deal out of how many Blacks (sorry African Americans), and how many Hispanics, and how many women he was going to hire. Such a big deal that it made me upset because nobody was saying “we are going to hire the best people for the job in each of these positions regardless of race, creed or sexual preference,” which is saying the same thing only with a very different primary measure, being “best.”

Doug Flutie, just another example. What did Doug Flutie do in his football career? Answer, win, at every level, in every league, for every team, and what did the NFL teams do in response? Answer, anytime they could bring in a “prototypical” NFL quarterback to be the starter they did so and then used Doug Flutie as the back-up, and mentor, and what did he do when that quarterback inevitably got injured or was not performing? Answer, win. Doug Flutie was a winner, but he was also small enough to fit on a cereal box and because of this he never got a legitimate chance to have the NFL career that he deserved.

Those are just two of many examples you can find, but I see it in sports, be it coaching or playing, you see it in politics, business, education. Obviously, there are going to be some guidelines that you start with when trying to fill a position of any type, but what do you do if a candidate comes along that is completely out of left field and impossible to evaluate against whatever rubric has been developed? Unfortunately, too often the answer is absolutely nothing. The candidate that is the anomaly relative to whatever position is being filled tends to end up in the do not waste your time pile, or in the circular file, or worse.

I believe it is time for us to not just take a different approach to how we view the above, but people in general. Different than the norm is not a bad thing, especially since nobody even knows who sets the norm. One of my favorite things, all my adult life now that I think about it, has been anytime I have taken a train, the “L,” the “tube,” to and from work because of the people you meet and the random conversations that can be had. My first commuter train was to and from Boston every day, and standing between cars, with the top half of the door open for air, while the smokers smoked, allowed me to get to know people a bit and talk about whatever, while through the glass, back in the car, stuffy, stale aired car, were a group of people sitting two by two with their headphones on and their books and newspapers out not speaking to anyone. If that was the norm, I am glad I am not normal.

Be open to looking at things differently and taking a chance on someone, anyone, regardless of what you first see.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Newton’s Third Law

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

This is not a physics lesson, at least not really, so please don’t stop reading just yet. This law, when applied to life, to people, to human behavior proves out just as much as it does in the physical world, or perhaps it doesn’t. Perhaps the reaction is significantly greater in life than it is in a physics lab. Perhaps the effect on people, human beings, on lives is significantly greater than the original action, or at the very least, if it is equal it is quite possible that the person or persons responsible for the original action do not realize the impact, have not considered it, or simply do not care.

When you look at companies that are in the business of taking over other companies, whether through acquisition, merger, or worst case hostile takeover, do those responsible for the initial decision know, see, care what the end result will be for the lesser of the two companies? The unfortunate answer here is that in most cases yes they do in fact know exactly what the end result will be.

When you look at people acting in whatever manner best suits them, again, do they know, care, consider the impact on others, the true impact; how many people will be impacted, in what way, for how long? The unfortunate fact is, not unlike common courtesy, but to a much uglier extent, people do what is best for them and very seldom do they, or those around them, consider the impact on others.

How many times over the course of your life has someone said to you “look out for number one?” Who came up with this? Why should this be the case? In business, managers, executives, bosses that understand that they benefit most by putting their people first are by default most successful. There is a book titled “The Customer Comes Second,” and this is the basic premise behind the book, I will not say don’t read the book because it is a good read, but the punch line is that if you put your people first, make sure they enjoy what they are doing, have the tools and the training necessary to be successful then the end result will be happy customers and a successful business.

Why can’t individuals treat each other, treat everyone, with that same premise in mind? Help others be successful, put others first, think of the impact on others before making a decision based on one’s own wants and needs. I realize that this is now contrary to how most of the youth of today have been raised, and unfortunately I am finding out, the same is true for the youth of yesterday as well, today’s parents, but at some point we have to turn the tide back around and look out for, take of, put others first.

Please just spend a few minutes, eyes closed, thinking about what the world would be like if everyone truly thought of others before themselves. How happy a planet would this be? Can you even imagine it at this point? I realize it is a lot to ask when so many people are struggling, but maybe that is the best time to try and change things.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

M.A.S.H. Break

Another Bella update before I begin babbling. Bella has decided that her pedestal isn’t close enough when I am at the computer so she has taken to lying on the floor directly behind the wheels of the desk chair while I write. Very cute if you ask me, but very dangerous. I know I am going to get up too quickly one of these nights.

Anyway, I was trying to write part III of Smorgasbord this evening, but it really wasn’t going to work. It has been one of those days. Lots planned and lots to do and wound feeling like the wheels were spinning in the mud all day. After a while, on days like this, I eventually surrender to the weight of the world, or whatever weight there is, and try to find something to take my mind off that which I am trying to accomplish and failing. If all else fails I will invariably turn to the “old standby,” M.A.S.H.

I have been watching M.A.S.H. religiously since high school. In fact in high school, in the Providence area there were days where it would be on three times from 5 PM to 11 PM and I would try and catch all three. I realize that this fact makes me both an addict and pathetic, but “it is what it is.”

I love the theatre, more musicals than anything, but the theatre in general is a special place to me. More so the older I get and the more involved in the theatre I become. To me, M.A.S.H. has always been much more like a twenty minute filmed play than anything else. Amazingly talented, exquisite actors, compelling writing, and directing, and characters that force you to root for them, or against (Frank Burns, Margaret Hullahan, and Charles Emerson Winchester the 3rd). Their timing, their delivery, their ease with one another just makes for a great break from whatever it may be you are trying to forget.

For me, more than anything else, watching episodes today just reminds me of a time that was easier, better, simpler, and one that I truly wish I could have back, the people, the circumstances, the places, even the smells were all so much better then. Those were fortunate times, and times I will always remember with nothing but fondness, and yes our memories of times gone by do improve the farther away we get, but still I would take that in a minute.

Probably a good place to begin tomorrow.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Smorgasbord – Part II

Mental Gridlock (Get Out of Your Own Way)

“Mental gridlock” came to me on a train from suburban New Jersey bound for New York City. I was heading into the city to meet a friend of mine to discuss a number of ideas, and on the way, in the process of taking notes on where I had lived, or would want to, the things I had done and/or would want to keep doing, and then a bunch of somewhat random, but somewhat related thoughts, by the time I was done there was an 8 ½ x 11 piece of lined paper covered, literally covered from top to bottom and side to side with red ink. Written diagonally across the page by the way, but just covered, and with such a magnitude of places and people and ideas that at the top, just before getting off the train at the Wall Street Station, where the smell of money hits you in the face as you come to the top of the stairs and reach street level, I wrote Mental Gridlock at the top of the page and underlined it twice.

I am sure we will come back to that piece of paper at some point, and all that was on it, or much of what was on it, but the reason I mention any of that now is because of the multitude of people I have spoken to as of late, young, old, men, woman, boys, girls, employed and not, all trying to figure out what to do with their lives, and being one, that at 45, has come to realize that I have accomplished so much for someone that has accomplished absolutely nothing, I wanted to make sure I told all those trying to figure out what to do first, or next, or forever, do it all, do what comes to mind first, do what you want to do, do what you enjoy, do what you love if you can, do what you are passionate about, do what you have fun at, do what makes you smile, and if someone tells you something is not possible, then do that.

Trust me, I have not figured it all out by any means, not even close, but I am just trying to do something, even if it is small, and even if it takes up just five minutes of my day, something every day that I truly enjoy. I can tell you that this week, with today being the seventh day, and yes I did attempt to rest as someone seems to think that this is supposed to be the day of rest, I have spent 20 to 30 minutes each day this week doing something I enjoy very much, writing, writing for anyone that reads this blog, writing for anyone who may someday read this blog, writing most of all for me.

Make your list, make as many list as you need to, do it so you can see all of it in one place and when you feel that sense of “mental gridlock,” as you most definitely will, remember that it is one thing at a time, and then another, and another, until before you know it you are doing a bunch of things each day, or week, or month, that you have always wanted to do, or were once good at, or never thought you would have time for again. If you can do this, if everyone can do this, then again, as I said last night, in a slightly different way, we can start to take back this country, we can start to make the world a better place every day. Just try your best to “get out of your own way” and do your best a little at a time.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.