The Long and Winding Road

Obviously a great song and a title I felt like stealing tonight. It is funny because the more I do this the longer the list of possible topics becomes. It is fun to have people saying, in the middle of a conversation, “hey you should blog about that.” Actually if I think of myself as “blogging” and not writing I will probably stop, in fact I still think of this as writing on a blank piece of paper, even though it is virtual paper, please don’t anyone tell me it’s not real paper.

I have wanted to be married since I was four, yes I said four. That is the first time, definitely not the last, that I asked one of my sister’s friends to marry me, yes I said marry me. Obviously I am a romantic, but what you don’t know is that apparently I was born that way. I have had this view in my head of my life that has included a beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, smartass of a wife, kids, an amazing house and a “rainbow” of labs, somewhere in the mountains, with lots of green and gold, flowing fields all around, or on the coast, East coast, where early morning runs on the beach, and waking up to the sunrise, falling asleep to the sound of the waves, are all included. The reason some of this is not entirely decided is that as a kid I spent my winters on skis, and my summers on the water, sailing and body surfing and running along the beach every evening. Writing about it now makes me sad, one because I truly loved my time there/then, and two because now that I have reached this age without any of this I am not convinced I will have it, or even if I do that it will be as I planned, hoped, dreamed.

Friends and family have been consistent over the years about two things without any deviation, “you are going to make someone a great husband,” and “you are going to be a great father.” I actually have never really disagreed, and when I was younger I think I actually felt fairly confident about this myself, but my view has changed some as I have moved through life, and through relationships. Actually, what is funny is that a few weeks ago I was leaving Starbucks, which is right downstairs from where I live and work, and their exit is a long straight wheelchair ramp with a railing and tables and chairs along the railing on the inside, and I looked to my left, the inside, and saw a tiny little boy, inside the very tight and ornate iron base of one of the tables. He was having a great deal of fun, but his mother was pretty nervous because she had not seen him get into this spot and did not have any idea how to get him out. I was about half way down the ramp, and so at a good height to see him, and just said “what’s up little man, are you having fun?” He looked at me with a huge smile and big blue eyes, as if to say “not much man, just hanging out having a cup’a joe.” I reached out and he took hold of my thumbs and as I gently lifted him out, with him helping, I brought him up to my shoulder into my arms and we chatted for a minute, as much as one can chat with a nine month old baby, and then I handed him back to his mom and headed for the door. The young man started to cry as I swung the door open and so I peaked back and he was looking at me. I went back in and picked him up and we chatted and played for about fifteen minutes until he was hungry when he then decided that mommy was the answer and I left.

Kids have always loved me and I have always loved kids, same with pets and old folks. It is people in the middle that do stupid things and treat each other, strangers, our country and our planet poorly that I have always had a problem with, and they with me.

A few years ago a student of mine asked “hey rock, how did you get to be forty without getting married?” I guess it was more than a few years ago now, but anyway, my answer was pretty simple, it ain’t hard. You have a few long term relationships that do not end in marriage, for whatever reason, and then the length of time it takes to get over that fact increases each time, and before you know it you can plot the “long and winding road” of failed relationships and recovery time on logarithmic scale. It is funny, I really can’t spell, thanks Bill for the help, but when it comes to Logarithmic I have no problem.

One relationship was in college and after college. The next was in graduate school and then law school for her and then the recovery and a decade was gone, and the next, and last serious relationship was something like the Titanic, big beautiful ship leaving the port with lots of fanfare and hope and promise and excitement followed by all sorts of celebrations and parties and festivities “aboard” the “ship” and then we hit the “iceberg” and all of a sudden I was Gene Hackman trying desperately to get to the surface to cut through the hull to get air!! I know that I just combined two different movies, but call it poetic liscence, it worked for me.

My father has been saying forever that I choose the wrong women; sorry to those of you who know who you are, but unfortunately the older I get the more my father has turned out to be right about everything he has ever said. Please, nobody tell him because although he knows about the blog and he loves to read, he is also the busiest retired person on the planet, so if you don’t tell him I said he is right he will never know. There are a number of other things he has always said that also have turned out to be true, but I think this is the only one I should put out for general consumption. What is really scary about this is that a few weeks ago I was speaking with one of my great aunts, and I reminded her of one of his favorite sayings about women, and at the exact same time my uncle was in the background saying the same thing to her that I was. They grew up together and are a year apart in age, yes, they are uncle and nephew, but this was a large Italian family and these things happen.

I am going to wrap up for now, and yes I realize that I have just spent about 1200 words saying absolutely nothing, but I hope some of it made you smile, or laugh, or both. It is funny, as I write some of this, and as all the writing has begun to bring back a bunch of memories, I have realized that thus far I have had two pretty incredible lives, some of it really good, some of it really bad, but incredible just the same. I have only really touched on a bit of life number one tonight, but I will try and share more as we go. Maybe sometime soon I will tell you about the “fun” table at the family weddings. Not sure any of you are ready for that.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.