A Rose by Any Other Name...

Perception is reality. I have heard this phrase endless times teaching, coaching and in business over the years. I also know without a doubt that our world operates this way. I just have significant issue with that fact.

People have told me this over and over in an effort to alter my behavior such that I might make my situation better, or easier, somehow. People have also told me this over the years in an effort to help me find a way to stay in a situation longer. My response has always been the same, reality is reality and I am never going to alter what I do based on what people think if what I am doing is benefiting others. I have never been “popular,” and never really been with the “in” crowd. I say that having been an athlete in high school and college and having had decent grades and a somewhat “normal” social life, so I was not necessarily an outcast, I just never did what was “acceptable” simply for the sake of being accepted.

Are there ways in which to do things at times that would better serve my cause? I am sure there are. Does it make sense to consider them if it means not accomplishing what needs to be accomplished in the amount of time it should take? To me the answer is no. Does it make sense to consider them if it means not helping someone in need? That one is easy, definitely not.

When it comes down to helping someone I am never going to opt not to out of concern for what people may think. I have never considered such things, nor financial concerns, or “return on investment,” as it were, I only ever consider whether or not I can help the person, or people, in question. Does this make me naïve? Does this make me a fool? Has it meant a different life for me than that which I could have had if I had chosen an easier path? Probably D, all of the above, which “matters not,” as a friend would say.

I wish I could tell you that I am totally “at piece” with all of this, but I am certainly not. Life can be a definite struggle at times, and it is not always fun knowing there are bunches of people out there that question your motives, your actions, your intent, but that is where I am the most at ease with the choices I have made along the way. I have made choices all of my life that have been motivated by good, and kindness, not ego and greed, and especially helping others. Even if I sometimes forget that with the way life can be, I simply need to think for a minute and remember those decisions and what the true motivation was.

Our society is such that it has become difficult to do anything without the whole world looking for the ulterior motive, the hidden agenda, and that is sad. When offering someone a ride in the rain, or a seat on a bus, opening a door, or smiling at someone and being pleasant has become outside the norm, then we have a problem. Where is the incentive for people to do good if the outcome is going to be “how come?” Where is the incentive to take risks on other’s behalf? Where is the incentive to do the “right thing?” Or I guess the question should be why is there disincentive, and how do we work to remove it?

My least favorite word is rumor. Why? Because rumors are just that, rumors, and very rarely, if ever, based in fact. One of the pieces that I read yesterday on Walter Cronkite spoke of the fact that he always waited to make sure he had the facts before breaking a story, even going so far as to wait for absolute confirmation of President Kennedy’s death. Where in today’s cable news race, first is what is important, right comes later. The only problem with today’s approach is that once something is out there, right or not, it is out there, and if “not” is juicier than the truth, that is what people will latch on to no matter what actual fact is eventually revealed.

The only person that ever knows the truth, the reality, about a person’s life is that person, and from there everything else is speculation. I wish people could accept this and just “live and let live.”

Thank you again for getting this far with me.