Swiss Cheese

I am sitting here and realizing that in a full year of being in Switzerland for at least part of each week, and actually living in Zurich for a full three months, I never had “Swiss Cheese.” Obviously, I had Swiss cheese every day, but I never had “Swiss Cheese,” at least not that I remember, never anything that looked like “Swiss Cheese,” never anything that tasted like “Swiss Cheese,” and again there are many different Swiss cheeses, and they are all delicious, well almost all, but none that actually taste look and smell like “Swiss Cheese.”

Maybe the Swiss just never thought it made any sense to make cheese where you got more holes than cheese, except I guess to send to us and get a laugh out of it, and by the way when I say send to us I am speaking of the “stupid Americans.” Maybe the Swiss just simply focus their attention on making Swiss cheese and never had it cross their minds that they weren’t actually making “Swiss Cheese.” Maybe, since everything in Switzerland does in fact run like a “Swiss watch,” and if you have not been to Switzerland yet you need to go as soon as possible, if only to fully understand that phrase, because it is definitely something you have to experience, the trains, the trolleys, restaurants, shops, banks, and obviously the Swiss watches, and more impressive, the Swiss clock towers, simply unbelievable.

I think while we were there we counted the number of huge, ornate, creative and distinct clock towers there were, and I want to say seven, but again it has been a while and it I am probably off. I can actually see four of them in my mind, they are spectacular. There was one that they had set to chime seven minutes, that is where the seven came from, seven minutes before the hour every hour, and you would be amazed at the crowd of people that would gather every hour to watch this happen; I promise you none of these people were Bernese. The Bernese were in their shops, peaking out the window and laughing their ------- off.

By the way, Swiss chocolate is truly orgasmic, can I say that, oh well too late, and even more insane is the chocolato caldo, hot chocolate, which is absolutely sinful.

There really was not anything about Switzerland that I didn’t like, well…ok getting screamed at by a police officer for fifteen minutes for riding my bike on the side of the road instead of the bike path was something I never need to have happen again. He kept asking for my passport and telling me that I had broken the law, and I just kept saying “versctat nicht, no sprechen ze deutsch,” to which he would reply “verstat nicht, verstat nicht,” and then snarl. Ok, so there was one thing about Switzerland I didn’t like, but that happen just over the mountain from Zurich, in small town Switzerland, which I guess is redundant, but this was really small town.

This is not a big place, but there are at least six different languages being spoken, not to mention dialects on top of that, the food is amazing, and again you get great French, Italian, German, maybe that one is an oxymoron, Indian, Thai, and the occasional burger if you really must. They have a dish called Rösti, I think that is how it would be spelled, which is essentially an omelet, with shredded potatoes, and a pound of butter, instead of eggs. I am getting hungry just thinking about it now. They take whatever you would normally want on your omelet, so mushrooms, peppers, cheese, and so on, and they put all of this in a deep cast iron skillet to first fry and then broil, sound familiar? I am telling you the only thing missing is the eggs, but you have all the fixing, with the hash browns, and tons of everything.

Zermatt and Wengen are a must, for the Matterhorn and the Eiger, respectively. Ay Wengen they also have the “Ice Palace,” which is an observatory at the “Top of the World,” and ice caves that go on forever and have incredible carvings of people, animals, and all magnificently lit.

I could ramble on about this place that I have referred to as Vermont on steroids, I was using this analogy long before Maguire, and Sammy, and Bonds, and Roger, and Manny made it less fun to use, but I do think it appropriate. This is a very green country with lots of corn and cows; they simply have the Swiss Alps in the background, what a background. And oh, I did not mention that the people are amazing.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.