If...

If I had found a cat in my twenties I would be a millionaire

47 and Counting

I am 47 now, have been for 11 minutes.  Actually, since I was born in Providence, and not at midnight, I am +/- 47 at the moment, but in a few hours it will definitely be official.

I am actually excited about this birthday, but not for any reason that any normal person would be, I am excited about it because 47 was the first number I wore playing football, as a middle linebacker and running back on the freshman football team.

I know this is a lame reason to be happy about a birthday, but so be it.

Actually, I just thought of another reason to be happy about this birthday, and that is because I have someone in my life that I know for certain loves me unconditionally, and that is a great feeling to have, no matter who you are, and no matter if that someone is a cat!!

Yes, I speak of Bella, but you all probably knew that already.  Bella is just simply awesome, someone I hope is with me for a long time, and someone who makes my life better.  Actually, she is definitely exactly the way the woman would be that I would marry and share my life with...oh well!!

Anyway, just thought I would share a couple of very bizarre thoughts related to my 47th.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Free At Last Free At Last Thank God Almighty She Is Free At Last

Torture.  Trama.  Physical abuse.  Mental and emotional abuse.  Injury.  Financial hardship.  Emotional hardship. Loneliness.  Aloneness.  Despair.  Deletion.  Promise.  Promises.  Elation.  Depletion.  Desertion.  Accusation.  Humiliation.  Frustration.  Exhaustion.  Expansion.  Sadness.  Melancholy.    Mishaps.  Crack-ups.  Cracks.  Cracked.  Medication.  Exhilaration.  Exasperation.  Imagination.  Good sensations.  Bad sensation.  No sensation.  Relief.  Elation.  Disbelief.  Depression.

This could go on forever, and has.  No one deserves any of this, let alone all of this and more.  At some point everyone's time should come to bask, even for just a moment in the sun.

I am so glad her time has come.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Anatomy of a Decision

There have been so many decisions that have been made over the course of 46 years and 357 days, that it is hard to look at just one and say "that is the one."  I would like to say that I do not regret any decisions I have ever made, but at present I cannot do that because frankly I have not looked at each one to no whether or not regret is a factor.  I definitely know that some that I could regret, or perhaps even should regret, some that family and friends regret me making are not decisions that I do in fact regret, nor will I ever, but there is one that I had almost forgotten about because the dominoes since have fallen so fast, and so intensely that for a moment I had forgotten what the first domino was.

Almost exactly seven years ago I was standing in the parking lot of Steamboat Springs High School looking at the gorgeous day, and looking up at the mountain that I had been considering calling home for some time, and trying to make a decision.  I had, at that time, just been offered a job teaching math, coaching football and lacrosse, in Steamboat.  The job paid pretty well, especially to do something that I enjoy doing, and something that some people would say I was born to do.  The job also included a flexible schedule such that ten days a month I would be in snow every afternoon.

Seven years ago I was fairly fit, I was coming off two very successful years coaching football and lacrosse, and I was not yet fat and ugly.  Seven years ago I had a knee that was still very solid and very capable of skiing anything.  Seven years ago my view of life was very different than it is now.

This was a very difficult decision for me, but the consensus seemed to be if you have a chance to coach college ball then you coach college ball.  I am glad I can now say that I coached college football, and I do not think I will ever forget that experience.  I am glad that I have had the chance to coach lacrosse at the college level as a head coach and now know that I could have been, am now, good at that, but I have to wonder how happy I would have been living in that community, a community I had felt a part of for a long time prior to the offer.  I have to wonder if I had been in that community for the past seven years would I had found someone that I wanted to spend my life with, or t the very least significant time with.  I have to wonder if I would be a happier, more at peace person today if I had simply stayed there.

It is hard to explain exactly how I felt in that moment, but I can say that there have not been a lot of moments since, if any, that have felt that good.  For those few moments, standing outside that school, looking up at unmistakable beauty, knowing that someone, a group of someones, wanted me to be a part of something they were doing, thought that I could contribute, to be valued in that moment and at peace.  To say that every moment since has been a step down, or a step backward would be such a gross understatement that it would not be doing it justice.  At the same time, at least I had that moment, and having remembered that time, that moment, and knowing some people never even get that, I guess that memory will have to be enough.

I could have done without the seven year free-fall however.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Obsession

“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success"


 I know this works, it is how I was able to ever get an "A" in school, it is how was able to have any success athletically, and it is how I was able to have success with the firm.  It is also what has made me successful at times as a coach, only to have that success lessoned as my obsession was diverted.  Interestingly enough this is also what has made my relationships flourish early and dwindle over time.


Obsession is what this quote is really describing.  Obsession is what makes CEOs successful, it is also what causes them to have heart attacks, lose their families, or just simply be detached.  Obsession brings great wealth, and power, and yes, huge amounts of success but, for the very few, the infinitely small percentage of people that obsession helps in this way, there are millions upon millions that get chewed up and spit out by this very same approach.


When you have one thing that is yours, and yours alone, that can be a great and wonderful thing, it can also be your undoing.  For me over the years it has been both.  When it has been good it has been really good, when it has been bad I have wanted to die.  That is the nature of giving everything you have to one thing and one thing only.  It is easy for me to see how the approach in this quote can make for great success, but understanding that a microscopic distance away from such huge success is epic failure.


Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Validation - Sort Of

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out." - Roy Croft


People much smarter and more eloquent than I tend to take what I think, feel, and/or obsess about and find a way to put it into words that I never could.  The above is another quote from the same colleague and again this strikes a cord.


It is amazing how for all of my life I have felt this, lived this, believed this.  Coming up on forty seven and counting, not to mention single, I have, at the very least, been questioning all that which I believe, if not beginning to lose hope, faith, in what I believe.


I have had some wonderful relationships, some wonderful interludes, some wonderful ships pass by in the night, and it can definitely be said that I liked the person I was when I was with those people, I liked the person I was becoming when I was with those people, and I liked the strong, confident person that came out around those people.


I don't know why I am being sly and saying people, women, there I said it.


I have always said that I love women, and I guess that is a true enough statement, there is something about them, but there are seldom few that can actually make me feel this way and it has to do with love more than lust, chemistry more than thought, attraction, yes first physical, but then in all other ways.  And, most of all, it has to do with the power of caring more for someone else's happiness than for my own, which when that happens does in fact make me someone I like more, respect more, enjoy more, and that is the power of being in love, at least to me.


Thank you again for getting this far with me.

The End Before the Beginning

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France 


No wonder I am so tired!!


This quote comes to me from a colleague and struck me directly.  With all that I have done in my life, the places I have traveled, the things I have seen and experienced, the people I have met, I have always felt profoundly sad, depressed even, at the end of each "thing" that has happened in my life, eventually followed by the excitement of the next.  I always thought this was because I am so goal oriented that this was simply the vacuous feeling once the goal was achieved and the days and months spent attaining that goal were over, I had never thought of this as grief over what was being left behind, what was ending, at least not until now.


Where does the phrase "to die a thousand deaths" come from??  Wherever, and whomever, it now seems vastly appropriate.  Just the eight years with "the firm," I was constantly reaching the end and forging a new beginning, essentially every few months.  We did this with such regularity and absolute abandon that I was on a golf course in Chicago on a Thursday afternoon, packed and on a plane for London on Sunday, back in Chicago on Friday to put everything I owned in storage and back in London the following Monday for a year of working in Europe.


For my year in Europe there were three hellos and three goodbyes.  Wow.  Just never really thought of it this way.  Another thought that came across my desk today had to do with the true cost of something rather than simply the dollar cost.  The vacation home may cost three hundred grand, but what about the five years of working nights and weekends it took to get it.  What was the true cost of the way I have loved my life, and the experiences I have had?


Single, alone, tired, old, fat, bald, glasses, no kids, hmmmm, what cost indeed.


Thank you again for getting this far with me.

The Answer

Three "serious" relationships totaling a little more than a decade.  Recovery time after each, increases with each singe, totaling a lot more than a decade.  Three stints honoring significant requests that I will never regret totaling almost four years.  Let's see, that is already almost twenty five years right there, and then factor in absurd focus on job, and/or current coaching stint, and you get 47 and single in two weeks and two days.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, all the time spent ring shopping, and the one engagement, and the two fortunes lost because love is not just blind, at least not in my case, it is deaf, really f---ing dumb, and blind, plus extremely broke!!

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Destiny

 I cannot turn it off. It runs constantly at high speed with no end. Tried to go to sleep at a reasonable hour, ha!! I am not complaining mind you, it is a drug, a cool drug, one I have been on all my life, maybe even intravenously. It is adrenaline, pure and simple. It is intensity, focus, I guess hyper focus, but in a holistic manner.

I can see the beginning, the middle, and the end, and all the little bits and big bits in between. Take a movie, play that movie over, and over, and over so that every piece of it is known to you, play it in an infinite loop so that it becomes background, and then superimpose life on that background such that each day a little piece of that movie, that total story, is being played in the foreground while the whole movie loops as background. It is never gone, it is ever present, it is constant progress toward an end, like our constant progress toward death, the movie plays and progress is made toward the outcome.

No one knows what the outcome is but me, and I know it with certainty. Different people, different members of this journey will catch glimpses, and will slowly have the outcome revealed to them, toward the ending that is already written, but none will know for certain, at least as certain as I do, until they come face to face with it, and then they will see it, realize it, as if they have just been bolted awake by a lightning strike. It is in that instant, and only that instant, that the moment will be captured, and the outcome realized, or it will slip away and be altered forever.

It has been written.

Thank you for again for getting this far with me.

The Best

Michael Jordan was the best basketball player to ever play the game, and it was not even close. He brought unmatched skill, unmatched athleticism, unmatched basketball IQ, unmatched intensity and desire to win, unmatched leadership ability, all to the same point for years.

Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer ever to play the game, even if his assault on Jack's records is halted by the issues he has had the last couple of years, he still has duplicated or exceeded many of Jack's feats already and done so with the exact same set of skills I listed above for Michael.

Wayne Gretsky anyone. Ken Griffey, Junior.

I am a sports fan and so I can list these guys and if I wanted to take the time list all of their accomplishments. The same cannot be said for other fields, but I do know that there are people, Like George Winston, greatest pianist to every live, or play, or entertain. There are people who could tell me the name of the greatest neurosurgeon on the planet. The best physicist, the best rocket scientist, we all jokingly refer to this entire group of people all the time, "well he is no rocket scientist," "he is no brain surgeon," but the fact of the matter is that there are bests in each and every corner of this planet, each and every profession, vocation, hobby, there is the best. Even eating hot dogs really fast there is someone that is the best, and by the way that is gross!! The hot dogs I could eat a few, the wet buns, not so much.

There is something that everyone is supposed to be best at, from being a dad, to being sloppy, to being funny, sorry Robin I didn't mean to forget you!! Yes Jeff Foxworthy is funny and has apparently made the most money at being funny, but Robin and his fifteen minute tangents that come back to the middle of the same word he left, wow, but speaking of tangents. There is something that everyone is best at, or at least should be.

I wish I knew what mine was, and I wish I had known a long time ago, like at the beginning of my life, or maybe at the age of two, or even at eighteen, or twenty two would have been nice. I know what everyone else thought I was best at, and I know what I was "supposed" to be best at, and I even have some ideas what I am best at now, but I just have never been sure. Too much time doing who knows what for who knows whom, and too much time pretending I was good at something to the point that I was a pretty good pretender, but not the best!!

Even if I figure it out now I will not be able to do it for forty or fifty years like some that I know, my dad for one, Sage for another. Not exactly sure what they were best at, but I know they knew, and they were.

Find what you are best at as early as possible, or convince your kids, your grandkids, strange kids in the street...maybe not...that they are going to be best at something and help them get there. Some people are even best at that.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Once Upon a Time

Incense
Candles
Fireworks
Parades
Hiking
Skiing
Running
Biking
Cooking
Laughing
Joking
Traveling
Ocean
Beach
Body surfing
Reading
Cleaning
Shopping
Sleeping
Watching
Talking
Greeting
Mowing
Grilling

...and then you wake up one day and the you you have been all your life is no where to be found.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Do Over

Kids all over the world have used a do over as a way to go back and try again. The grown-up version of this is the mulligan where so many people, mostly men, try to impress so many others and yet the absolute worst shot ever taken by anyone swinging a golf club can be excused without a thought as a part of golfs long standing "etiquette."

Oh how nice that would be!! To be able to go back to the beginning of school and realize that it was not just simply something you did to bridge the gap between waking up and going to practice. To be able to go back and not be a complete ass to you mother, father, sisters, or grandmothers. To go back and listen to the advice your grandfather was trying to tell you.

How about either not having a relationship Freshman year at The College of Wooster with the most beautiful, wonderful, athletic woman you met in pre-season while your girlfriend of three months is back in Providence sending you amazing letters that smelled so good that when they first arrived you were instantly home with her. Or maybe going back and not breaking up with that amazing woman and instead just waiting to go home for the holidays to do the right thing at home. Or maybe just going back to not screw the whole thing up.

Maybe fixing the decision to leave D-III Wooster for Rhode Island with "disillusions of grandeur," which by the way is most definitely genetic.

Fixing the choices of bad women over the years, or the bad decisions with women, whichever way that goes, you would have to ask my family and friends about that one. Fixing the inability to not spend money, on things, people, lost causes. Fixing the choices on the job that may have made things a bit smoother, a bit more tolerable for all.

How about just simply fixing the biggest fix of all, somehow finding a way to determine what it was that I was truly meant to do, what it was that I truly wanted to do, and doing that all my life and loving it, rather than always doing what was expected, responsible, and not even considering anything else.

The only thing I am sure I would not fix is the decision to say yes to my grandmothers, that I would not change. No do over necessary there.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Peace

Her final days, weeks, months did not have to be like this, but they were. Her final years did not have to be so lonely, but they were, but in the end, when it was time, they both found each other, they both let go of whatever was between them all those years, and were just together, at peace.

I wish for both things could have been much different many years ago. I wish that both could have seen sooner what was so plain, so clear. I wish that all the time, all the moments, all the conversations, and dinners, that they could have allowed themselves to enjoy them sooner, but in the end they were very much mother and daughter, very much together, very much the way they should have been.

June 3, 2010 at 10:15 PM, almost exactly five months shy of one hundred years, or ninety three, depending on who was counting, she closed her eyes and took her last breath as her daughter held her hand. She finally stopped fighting, she finally just let go.

For the record the food at our friends restaurant is awful. I too have trouble seeing how someone can charge so much for such a small piece of steak. There is no doubt that you could get much better food in New York. That is where she belonged, New York, with her boyfriends, and her tennis partners, her shopping buddies, and her bankers.

The little boy never quite looked the same in that little back yard as he did standing guard over the expanse that was the yard at 35 Crescent Drive. She could have been the queen, but that is for another time.

They are both at peace now. This horrible thing that happened, did not need to happen, but then again maybe it did. They were mother and daughter in the end, and now will be forever.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Perfection and Grace

Armando Galarraga did not pitch a perfect game tonight against the Cleavland Indian, or did he. Umpire Jim Joyce did not work a perfect game, and Galarraga's teammates, coaches, and manager definitely did not display the perfect reaction to what comes down to a simple, human mistake.

Nonetheless, Armando Galarraga was perfect tonight, perfect in his wry smile on his face after the blown call with two outs in the ninth inning, perfect in his controlling his emotions enough to record what was essentially his twenty eighth out in a row, and perfect, not just in his response, or lack thereof, as he walked off the field, but even more so later when interviewed by those professional "pot stirrers" ESPN.

ESPN Interview

In the interview link above you can hear a man that is both comfortable with the fact that people make mistakes, and that umpires are not perfect, and that regardless what the record books say he was in fact perfect. This is a man that has no anger in his voice, no resentment, and a man that sounds truly at piece, happy. In today's world of gross entitlement, based on what happened tonight and Armando's reaction and response to the entire event, I would say that Armando Galarraga was in fact perfect, in the game, and even more so afterward. How refreshing!!

On the same day we saw perfection in multiple ways in Detroit, we saw grace in Seattle.

Ken Griffey, Jr., with no fanfare whatsoever, no press conference, no "victory lap," nothing more than a call to his owner to say that he did not want to "become a distraction," retired from the game of baseball. After 22 years in the game, 630 home runs, thirteen all-star appearances, a streak of ten straight gold glove awards, named to Rawlings All-Time Gold Glove team, and an AL MVP award Griffey simply walked away.

Again in a time of entitlement run a muck, Ken Griffey, Jr., one of the best to ever play the game, did not feel the need for one more clap, one more home run trot, one more high five. Again, how refreshing!!

When I looked at the home run list, after Barry Bonds, the overinflated one, and before Sammy Sosa, a similarly overinflated one, you have four names on the home run list, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays, and Ken Griffey Jr.. Perfection and grace.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Sweet Carolina

Ripped jeans, perfect smile, sassy attitude, beaches, storms, water, sailing.

"In my mind I'm gone to Carolina..." JT

The appeal is so very real, it is palpable. Is there still undisturbed coast left?? Is there room for romantic walks, watching sunrises, seeing the moon shimmer off the water while laying with that special someone as that cool evening Carolina air rolls in.

Waking up to the fog, and the moisture droplets on the windows, and the screens, on the dock, and in the boat.

She is worth the wait Carolina is, she is so worth the wait.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

R.I.P Rico

No one learns from anyone else. Everyone is invincible. Too many die too young. It is all avoidable, or is it.

I was invincible once, or so I thought. I have definitely had more than nine lives. The lucky ones get to look back and see just how amazingly lucky we all were to survive, but why if we all know this, and if there are so many unfortunate examples out there, does this keep happening.

The only way to keep someone from doing something stupid is to physically stop them and even then there is no guarantee. We don'r try hard enough. We don't yell loud enough. We don't put ourselves out there enough to say "hey, guess what, we did it, it was stupid, we are lucky to be alive."

We also don't take enough time to make certain these examples are taken with the weight they should. It is ok to say to a student, a player, a young person on the street, you are worth more than this. You have your whole big, beautiful, long life ahead of yourself and don'y f--- it up. So few take the time, or have the courage to put themselves out there that those that do are viewed as weird for caring, different, "sketchy."

When did it become "sketchy" to care, to try and help, to try and make a difference. I don't know the answer exactly, but somewhere between 1976 and 2001.

We have created this world where any real show of caring or emotion, any attempt by a "stranger" to do something nice, is met with skepticism, as best. We need to turn this around. We need to fight back. We need to make it ok again for people to be good to one another and to care. We need to not accept complacency as the norm anymore, and active caring as different, or we will continue to lose our children!!

I learned from you Dirk, I couldn't get to you, but I learned. R.I.P. Dirk.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

49 Down One To Go

I did not do this on purpose, and I definitely would not have waited this long if I could have done something different, but this was well worth the wait.

Our 49th state was my 49th state, and for those of you who slept through American history, or geography like I did, our 49th state was the Alaskan Territory, and boy does that land deserve such a title.

I had great expectations going to Alaska for my first time, unreasonable expectations, and for a little while I was greatly disappointed, but that did not last long.  Not only did I enjoy where I stayed in Anchorage, felt as if I was back in Switzerland, but leaving Anchorage on the "milk run," and getting to see the mountains and the glaciers, and the "glacial flows" as we made our way towards Juneau one third of the way to normal cruising altitude, I was catapulted well beyond my expectations.  It is a "territory" like no other.  This is the kind of place that makes you want to just pick up and walk into the wilderness and keep on going.  I can understand why a Christopher McCandless, or Jeremiah Johnson, would do what they did.  The only thing I do not understand is what the hell took me so long to get to these places I have seen in the past six months??!!

The one aspect where I had no expectations, because frankly it never entered my mind, was the people.  These are nice people.  These are warm people.  These are fun people, and some are beautiful people, very!!

I can't say that I am dying to get to 50 because Hawaii has just never been high on my list of places to see, the Badlands and Devil's Tower were much more of a draw for me, but I can say that now I have to find a way to get back to Alaska for a much longer stay with nothing to do but take it in.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Rain

All alone
Falling down
Wired up
Revved up
Abandoned
Abused
Forgotten
Broken
Bruised
Torn
Misunderstood
Invisible
Mute
Sad
Old
Unhealthy

Helpless

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

From Gram to Gram

I am in Anchorage at present, sitting on the back patio of an amazingly put together European style hotel.  The patio opens up to a lake and then the mountain peaks of Anchorage.

On the flight in the gentlemen seated next to me, in our little sardine cans the airlines like to call seats, recommended a place called the Sea Galley, a place he said I had to eat.  On my return from the client at abut five this evening I was exhausted, and very hungry and so when I pulled into the hotel I ran in and asked the young lady at the front desk which of the restaurants listed on the GPS she would recommend and she picked the Sea Galley, so off I went.

As it turns out, Anchorage's Sea Galley is a cross between Jesse's Restaurant in Hanover, NH and The Old Pier restaurant in Newport, RI, two places I have spent many a night, or late afternoon, with two very unique and special people.  From the fresh bread and all you can eat salad bar, to the fresh Alaskan King crab legs and prime rib.  Oh, and I can't forget to mention the baked potato that I loaded with butter and sour cream just in case my cholesterol was getting a little low.

The cab legs were a suitable substitute for fresh lobster out of Narragansett Bay, and the meat, potato and salad, would have been complained about, but enjoyed immensely.  They may have well have been sitting there with me, oh how I wish they were.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

A Rose By Any Other Name

Nini Rose.  Dr. Gamso.  Rosie.  Grannie.  Speed Racer.  Aunt Rose.  Rose.  Gram.  Mom.

They definitely broke the mold, or maybe there wasn't one at all, perhaps completely free form.

Roses.  Gardens.  Statues.  Frog.

Tuna Salad.  Sourer Kraut. Hot Dogs.  Ham and Swiss.  Omaha Steaks.

3 Day Coffee.  Neglected Dishwasher.  Yellow Plastic Placemats.  Orange Chicken.

Bagels on the deck.  Put out the cushions.  Fire up the grill.  Burgers and dogs.

Book after book after book.

5:00.  6:00.  7:00.  News, news, news.  

Westerns, mysteries, sad tales told on Lifetime television.  "This is so strange, so scary" "why don't you turn it off and get some rest" "maybe in a few minutes."

"Can't you stay for a few more days."  "You need to just rest for a few days."  "Be patient something better will come along."

A decade spent alone more than not.  A decade of taking chances.  No stairs.  People around.  No fall.

Many people had many views of the many sides of Rose, but Gram did not deserve to be this unhappy for this long, and without question did not deserve to reach the end in so much pain, and without her passion, communication.

I truly wish I could have been more convincing.  Even if just to have you around for a little while longer to have you look at one more time with your "you are crazy man" looks, and the exact words to match.

Farewell Gram.  I love you.  We all love you.  Mom loves you the most.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

You Heard It Here First - Take Seven - MCLA Division 1 2010 Playoff Seeding

The committee has some decisions to make, sort of.  This year's committee should have about five minutes worth of work to do, or less, if the favorites hold serve tomorrow.  The list below is simply by looking at the playoff brackets for each conference and placing their winner, and in some cases their runner up, and then for the RMLC a third team, the only league to have three teams.  It is possible that The Sage will be right again and the committee will view the SLC as a stronger conference overall then the RMLC, but how do you leave a team out that in the past four weeks has three top ten wins, including a win over # 1Michigan?  Colorado is 6-6 on their regular season, 4-1 since the coaching change, and a team that has split what turned out to be a home and home with # 4 BYU with an overall goal differential between the two teams of 1 goal.

The RMLC has # 2 and # 4, and the SLC has # 3 and # 5.  UCSBs body of work is probably a bit stronger, at least their record is, but how many big wins do they have? None.  Colorado's first half of their year was horrible, with two "bad" losses, New Hampshire and LMU, UCSBs next closest competitor so not sure how bad a loss that was, but they have three "big" wins, Michigan, Michigan State, and BYU.

I think it has to be Colorado with the top ten wins and the victory over Michigan.

Final seeding will be determined largely by what happens tomorrow, and with possible upsets in the PCLL, and the WCLL, possible, but not likely, then the committee will have more than Colorado and UCSB to discuss.  Those are the only two leagues where an upset would put a team from outside the top sixteen in as the AQ by replacing a top sixteen team.  Illinois could get upset tomorrow in the GRLC, but it will have no affect on the bracket at all, except to change the name of the sixteen seed.

If New Hampshire beats Boston College tomorrow, and/or Cal beats Cal Poly, BC being upset by New Hampshire seems possible, Cal beating Cal Poly not so much, but if either of these happen, or both, then the committee has a lot of work to do, because numbers 10 and 11 will have been upset by # 23 and an unranked Cal team.  Woops.

Again, not expected, but if it happens then at least the committee will have earned their money!!  Again, sort of.

The only thing that would really screw this whole thing up is if the first two upsets both happen, and somehow Minnesota beats Minnesota-Duluth, not really possible, but would really make life interesting, and would make this a Big Ten tourney.  Their last game was a 16 to 2 affair, so again, not really possible.

Michigan
Colorado State (CSU gets # 1 if Michigan State beats Michigan tomorrow in their final, not probable)
Chapman
Arizona State (ASU gets # 2 or 3 with win over Chapman tomorrow)
BYU
Simon Fraser
Oregon (Oregon gets 6 spot with win tomorrow over Simon Fraser)
Minn-Duluth
Colorado (the committee could, but shouldn't, choose UCSB) (this spot gets dropped with first upset)
Cal Poly (I don't think they get dropped if upset tomorrow, but they would drop to 13 or 14)
Florida State
Michigan State (gone with second upset)
Boston College (If they get beat by New Hampshire they will drop a spot, maybe)
Florida
Texas State
Illinois

Thank you again for getting this far with me.

Defeated

Depleted.  Drained.  Discouraged.  Disappointed.  Disgusted.

Education.  Educator.  Educate.  Educated.

Main Entry: ed·u·ca·tion 

Pronunciation: \ˌe-jə-ˈkā-shən\

Function: noun

Date: 1531

1 a : the action or process of educating or of being educated; also : a stage of such a processb : the knowledge and development resulting from an educational process education>
2 : the field of study that deals mainly with methods of teaching and learning in schools

Main Entry: ed·u·cate 

Pronunciation: \ˈe-jə-ˌkāt\

Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): ed·u·cat·ed; ed·u·cat·ing

Etymology: Middle English, to rear, from Latineducatus, past participle of educare to rear, educate, from educere to lead forth — more ateduce

Date: 15th century

transitive verb1 a : to provide schooling for home> b : to train by formal instruction and supervised practice especially in a skill, trade, or profession
2 a : to develop mentally, morally, or aesthetically especially by instruction b : to provide with information : inform <educatingthemselves about changes in the industry>
3 : to persuade or condition to feel, believe, or act in a desired way intransitive verb

Main Entry: educated

Function: adjective

Date: 1588

1 : having an education; especially : having an education beyond the average 
2 a : giving evidence of training or practice :skilled  b : befitting one that is educated  c : based on some knowledge of fact 

— ed·u·cat·ed·ness noun

I am an educator.  This is news to me, but I am an educator.  I am also a philanthropist, also news to me.  I am a social worker, a psychologist, a mathematician, an entrepreneur, an artist, photographer, writer, producer, coach, teacher, but most of all I am an educator!!

I am an advocate.  This is also news to me, but I am an advocate.  I am an advocate for my mother, my grandmother, my sisters.  I am an advocate for my students, and my players.  I am an advocate for my friends and for strangers.  I have become an advocate for anyone and everyone that needs advocacy.

I am the keeper of the cause.  I find causes everyday all day long.  I do not actually see it that way, I just simply like helping people, but others have pointed out that I seem to have an awful lot of causes that I have taken up.

All of this is probably very true about me to some extent or another, and probably to a great extent, but my question for everyone on the planet would be why is everyone else, everyone, not the same way.  I know I have written this at some point along the way, but how great a world would this be if everyone on the planet was always trying to help others, always doing what they could for people in their lives, always trying to help a stranger in need??  The answer is it would be an amazing place.

I have no ability to understand anyone who does not do all they can every day for the betterment of the planet.  I do not understand anyone that does anything specifically aginst the betterment of the planet, or even of a small group of people on the planet, and I most definitely cannot understand how anyone can be employed at an educational institution, be it nursery school, kindergarten, elementary, junior high, high school, preparatory school, private college, or state university, and probably most importantly state university, that is not, does not want to be, or has no ability to be, an educator.

State university systems exist to allow those less fortunate in those states get a quality education for a reasonable price, and in some cases essentially no price.  I am now living in Boise, and helping with some of the activities on the Boise State campus, and I am amazed, and impressed with the level of commitment on that campus, in the community, and in the state, to provide the highest possible environment of learning humanly possible.  The students at Boise State pay very little, relatively speaking, as compared to other states.  These students pay a lot relative to their ability to pay, but very little in the grand scheme, and they get a very high level of education.  The people I have been involved with here really care about not just maintaining that level of education, but increasing the level.  The motto that is everywhere in this town is New U Rising.

Why are there other state universities, in other states, where so many people are allowed to be a part of the "educational" process on those campuses, and I use the term very loosely, that either don't care, or don't have a clue, or some combination of both.  There are examples where from the president down the level of educational INTEGRITY is so far beyond low, that it is truly non-existent.  Where the almighty budget is what rules the decision making process, not sound educational principals.

Why have a math department, or a math curriculum, if no math is actually going to be taught, where all math courses that fall under general education, or remedial, or both, are allowed to be taught ON-LINE.  Math cannot be taught effectively on-line, and any IDIOT knows this.  I do not think you could stop a single person on the street and ask them "do you think that teaching algebra over the internet is a good idea," without them making a scrunched up face and saying that is a horrible idea.  How about Statistics??

Likewise, what about the universities that have athletics, but do not support those athletics to any extent.  How is that educational.  How is good education to allow athletic teams to be ill-equipped, whether it is from a coaching standpoint, training standpoint, recruiting, scholarships, travel, scheduling, or anything else that is key to building a successful, competitive program.  It is not about winning and losing, necessarily, at least not from an educational standpoint, but it is about caring enough, and having pride enough in what you do on a field, or court, and especially as part of a team, to be as prepared, focused, and physically ready to give everything you have mentally and physically for the duration of the contest in question.  If an athlete has prepared well, played hard, "left everything on the field," to steal a phrase, then at least they are learning life lessons that they will use as they progress beyond the safe confines of their campus life.

However, if a president, or dean, or vice president, or athletic director, or any and all of the above, allow, even if it is through apathy, athletes, and especially athletic teams, to go out and represent themselves, their teams, and their schools or universities in anything but the best way humanly possible by that athlete and those teams, then not only are those SO CALLED educators not doing their jobs, but they are doing irreparable harm to all involved, and to allow this is as immoral an act as anything imaginable.  These people are stripping these students and athletes of all potential learnings available to them through the building of a strong team environment, but they are also damaging their souls permanently.

It is not ok that we allow this in this country, or in this world.  It is not ok that such apathetic people exist in an educational system, especially in a system built for higher learning, and it is not ok that no one does anything to address or fix these problems, but then again when the president or head of school, or principal does not care enough to instill these educational values and cornerstones then why should anything below that point be any better.

In case anyone is wondering, I am not saying this is a question of pay people more in education, although I know overall for education in this country that is true, but if a president is making $ 280,000 a year, or a professor is making $ 120,000 a year, or an athletic director, or similar position, is making $ 60,000 a year, or more, in a tenured position, this is not about money, this is about disgraceful human behavior, and it should be made to stop.

Thank you again for getting this far with me.