Just recently having discovered that James and Carly had Ben and Sally, and that they are amazing singers, songwriters, human specimens, just decided that all of them plus Livingston need to be in one place at one time!!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Three Thirds
I woke from a sound sleep screaming as if I had witnessed the most heinous of crimes. I was inconsolable, tears streaming down my cheeks. A call was made and an hour or two later I was home in my own bed asleep. Foreshadowing at its best, if only a four year old could understand.
I got off the chair, took an immediate left, turned the corner and I was gone. Nothing was going to get in my way, not even the full grown man in front of me barely crawling forward in the snowplow of all snowplows. What else could I have done?? What would anyone have done in my situation?? I leaned all the way back, sat on the tails of my skis and yelled something as I went through the mans legs and kept on cruising. As I arrived at the bottom, big grin on my face, I was greeted by the whole fam damily. Every one of them had a horrified look on their faces, a true look of concern. Why? Probably the blood that was all down my face and all over the front of my ski jacket as apparently the man's large backside had been to tough a foe for my tiny little six year old nose.
I was prone to arm crossing at the time. Had once halted a family trip, for a period of time at least, by standing by the ice machine of the motel we had stayed at outside of Gettysburg on the way to Disneyworld. Who on earth drives their entire family, grandparents included, from Vermont to Florida for a good time I have no idea!! Somehow this time I had been extremely convincing for seven or eight or nine and thus I did not have to stay with friends. I was a man, at least more so then than now, and thus the wood stoves, the fire place, and all was kept going. I fed myself, slept, and manned the house for a long weekend alone.
I jumped in the front seat of the truck, slid the arm to where the little red needle was on the capital R on the gauge. I slowly began to back up the very soft, temporary drive that ran between the sets of six condos. As the truck worked it's way up the slope in reverse I tried to monitor my progress using the side view mirrors the way I had been taught, but the truck moved to my right ever so slightly, moving into softer and softer packed gravel as I went. It was sudden and in slow motion all at the same time as the truck slid to the side of the last condo unit in the cluster to the right and made contact with the sheathing on the corner. I had to make it right, I had to fix it, I knew how to rock the truck back and fourth to free it from where it was stuck. It dug in further and further while peeling the corner of the condo apart splinter by splinter. Not all bad in a days work for a thirteen year old paid laborer. At least I was able to entertain the men.
I was home from prep school for the summer and the school where I had spent 5th and 6th grade, and where my sister had broken the ring I gave her, and her finger, all at the same time during PE, had to be remodeled by summers end, which for me was mid-August for pre-season of my senior year. All day long ripping out old insulation and old siding to make way for new. Racing up the mountain to change and get my run in on the gravel that made up most of the roads at home. Showering and changing, jumping in the car with my sister, and racing the 45 or 35 or 25 minutes to Waterbury Center to pick up the then love of my life and off to cause trouble, the highlight of which was the Vermont State Fair at the end of my time home, listening to Crystal Gale, riding rides, eating cotton candy and then driving, singing, our way back to Waterbury Center to say goodbye.
It's late fall in Rhode Island, or early winter in Vermont, and the phone rings. I need to come home for Thursday and Friday. The roof needs to get on by end of day Friday because snow is coming on the weekend. Two days spent humping lumber, slinging plywood onto the roof rafters, my work boots wedged between two rafters, lean over, grab the corners and sling the plywood into place, repeat. End of Friday and he looks at the "valley" between the dormer roof and the roof to note that the lines are off slightly. The men note that know one has a better eye. This is Sophomore year, and the beginning of the end.
The light at the end of the tunnel. Almost done. Almost an engineer, an "engineer in training" to be precise. Must have been Easter break. Home to see the family. Sitting in the study by the roll-top desk. He is leaving, leaving mom, leaving us, leaving me. The company is closed, finished, gone. Twenty two years of hard hats, construction, the smell of pipes, cigarettes, horse shoes at lunch time, nothing being good enough, everything needing to be perfect, so perfect it broke the company. Twenty two years, or I guess maybe eighteen, dreaming of my nice, shiny, new backhoe, bulldozer, bucket loader. High school years getting bigger, stronger, and more responsible. College years of studying Structures, Concrete, Materials Testing, Principles of Drafting, Soil Engineering, and the EIT exam, which was easy to be honest!! Gone!!
Early years of adulthood, practicing engineer, Deer Island, River Relocation Project. Caught myself going over the pilings head first headed to the river bed sixty feet below. Promised management. Asked to move back. Lost her, lost him, lost her. Roommates with my brother. Evicted by my brother, sort of, essentially. Lost track of right and wrong briefly. Probably too much shit for one time in life. Visiting once in a while and then not. Finally ran away to Killington, best thing I have ever done, at least to that moment. WHS next. Hardest and best moment I could have had with a couple dozen young athletes and dad, one goal short. Said no to WHS football. Got another "real" job, got my masters just 'cause. Chose Chicago to get away and try something new. Consumed by the big company, screwed by six years of love. Sent to Frito Lay Europe. Came home for the holidays. The wives said no so December 28th it was. There she was, or so I thought. back to Europe, moved to penthouse, furnished the penthouse, bought the ring, the dress, the Porsche. Oops.
Moved back, stuck around, took care, lost out on first shot, family first. Back to the fray. Trying hard to be something I am not. Faking it pretty well at Sony and Astra. Lost out again, fall guy. Up or out...out. Now what. What else, finally followed in Dad's footsteps. Better late than never?? More like too late but not never.
End of a long strange road. Nothing is as it was supposed to be. No one else's fault but my own?? Who knows. Definitely can't change it now. Mickey, Tony, Bobby, Michael causing all sorts of trouble for so long, high school, college, "The Bush" the early years. Lots of good and bad times spent from then until the inevitable, and then a very long drawn out end.
Thanks for some of it, not for the rest.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
I got off the chair, took an immediate left, turned the corner and I was gone. Nothing was going to get in my way, not even the full grown man in front of me barely crawling forward in the snowplow of all snowplows. What else could I have done?? What would anyone have done in my situation?? I leaned all the way back, sat on the tails of my skis and yelled something as I went through the mans legs and kept on cruising. As I arrived at the bottom, big grin on my face, I was greeted by the whole fam damily. Every one of them had a horrified look on their faces, a true look of concern. Why? Probably the blood that was all down my face and all over the front of my ski jacket as apparently the man's large backside had been to tough a foe for my tiny little six year old nose.
I was prone to arm crossing at the time. Had once halted a family trip, for a period of time at least, by standing by the ice machine of the motel we had stayed at outside of Gettysburg on the way to Disneyworld. Who on earth drives their entire family, grandparents included, from Vermont to Florida for a good time I have no idea!! Somehow this time I had been extremely convincing for seven or eight or nine and thus I did not have to stay with friends. I was a man, at least more so then than now, and thus the wood stoves, the fire place, and all was kept going. I fed myself, slept, and manned the house for a long weekend alone.
I jumped in the front seat of the truck, slid the arm to where the little red needle was on the capital R on the gauge. I slowly began to back up the very soft, temporary drive that ran between the sets of six condos. As the truck worked it's way up the slope in reverse I tried to monitor my progress using the side view mirrors the way I had been taught, but the truck moved to my right ever so slightly, moving into softer and softer packed gravel as I went. It was sudden and in slow motion all at the same time as the truck slid to the side of the last condo unit in the cluster to the right and made contact with the sheathing on the corner. I had to make it right, I had to fix it, I knew how to rock the truck back and fourth to free it from where it was stuck. It dug in further and further while peeling the corner of the condo apart splinter by splinter. Not all bad in a days work for a thirteen year old paid laborer. At least I was able to entertain the men.
I was home from prep school for the summer and the school where I had spent 5th and 6th grade, and where my sister had broken the ring I gave her, and her finger, all at the same time during PE, had to be remodeled by summers end, which for me was mid-August for pre-season of my senior year. All day long ripping out old insulation and old siding to make way for new. Racing up the mountain to change and get my run in on the gravel that made up most of the roads at home. Showering and changing, jumping in the car with my sister, and racing the 45 or 35 or 25 minutes to Waterbury Center to pick up the then love of my life and off to cause trouble, the highlight of which was the Vermont State Fair at the end of my time home, listening to Crystal Gale, riding rides, eating cotton candy and then driving, singing, our way back to Waterbury Center to say goodbye.
It's late fall in Rhode Island, or early winter in Vermont, and the phone rings. I need to come home for Thursday and Friday. The roof needs to get on by end of day Friday because snow is coming on the weekend. Two days spent humping lumber, slinging plywood onto the roof rafters, my work boots wedged between two rafters, lean over, grab the corners and sling the plywood into place, repeat. End of Friday and he looks at the "valley" between the dormer roof and the roof to note that the lines are off slightly. The men note that know one has a better eye. This is Sophomore year, and the beginning of the end.
The light at the end of the tunnel. Almost done. Almost an engineer, an "engineer in training" to be precise. Must have been Easter break. Home to see the family. Sitting in the study by the roll-top desk. He is leaving, leaving mom, leaving us, leaving me. The company is closed, finished, gone. Twenty two years of hard hats, construction, the smell of pipes, cigarettes, horse shoes at lunch time, nothing being good enough, everything needing to be perfect, so perfect it broke the company. Twenty two years, or I guess maybe eighteen, dreaming of my nice, shiny, new backhoe, bulldozer, bucket loader. High school years getting bigger, stronger, and more responsible. College years of studying Structures, Concrete, Materials Testing, Principles of Drafting, Soil Engineering, and the EIT exam, which was easy to be honest!! Gone!!
Early years of adulthood, practicing engineer, Deer Island, River Relocation Project. Caught myself going over the pilings head first headed to the river bed sixty feet below. Promised management. Asked to move back. Lost her, lost him, lost her. Roommates with my brother. Evicted by my brother, sort of, essentially. Lost track of right and wrong briefly. Probably too much shit for one time in life. Visiting once in a while and then not. Finally ran away to Killington, best thing I have ever done, at least to that moment. WHS next. Hardest and best moment I could have had with a couple dozen young athletes and dad, one goal short. Said no to WHS football. Got another "real" job, got my masters just 'cause. Chose Chicago to get away and try something new. Consumed by the big company, screwed by six years of love. Sent to Frito Lay Europe. Came home for the holidays. The wives said no so December 28th it was. There she was, or so I thought. back to Europe, moved to penthouse, furnished the penthouse, bought the ring, the dress, the Porsche. Oops.
Moved back, stuck around, took care, lost out on first shot, family first. Back to the fray. Trying hard to be something I am not. Faking it pretty well at Sony and Astra. Lost out again, fall guy. Up or out...out. Now what. What else, finally followed in Dad's footsteps. Better late than never?? More like too late but not never.
End of a long strange road. Nothing is as it was supposed to be. No one else's fault but my own?? Who knows. Definitely can't change it now. Mickey, Tony, Bobby, Michael causing all sorts of trouble for so long, high school, college, "The Bush" the early years. Lots of good and bad times spent from then until the inevitable, and then a very long drawn out end.
Thanks for some of it, not for the rest.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Let Our Tebow Go
I will try to make this short and sweet, but ESPN has me fired up again. Today ESPN.com had a headline that read "John Fox...the Coach not Tim Tebow Saved the Broncos." I do not get why Tim Tebow seems to threaten so many associated with professional football. I realize he is not the ideal, prototypical pro quarterback these people dream about at night, but all he does is win, and give credit to God, his coach, his o-line, the Broncos defense. Why can't ESPN and the rest of the so called experts just accept that the Broncos are winning and their is a lot of credit to go around and stop trying to find fault??
Even better, at the beginning of the week, just after the Bears lost from what I can tell, someone associated with ESPN in Chicago reached out to Brett Favre and asked him a question. Monday morning they came out with "breaking news," Favre says he would listen to offer if Bears called. Talk about manufacturing headlines.
If ESPN would simply go back to showing sporting events, and reporting sports news once a day, and maybe if they got rid of 4 or 5 of their stations they would not have to continue to be the National Enquirer of sports television. By the way, after getting Joe Paterno fired and insighting a riot on the Penn State campus, ESPN finally covered the Sandusky side of the Sandusky scandal, ten days later!!
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Even better, at the beginning of the week, just after the Bears lost from what I can tell, someone associated with ESPN in Chicago reached out to Brett Favre and asked him a question. Monday morning they came out with "breaking news," Favre says he would listen to offer if Bears called. Talk about manufacturing headlines.
If ESPN would simply go back to showing sporting events, and reporting sports news once a day, and maybe if they got rid of 4 or 5 of their stations they would not have to continue to be the National Enquirer of sports television. By the way, after getting Joe Paterno fired and insighting a riot on the Penn State campus, ESPN finally covered the Sandusky side of the Sandusky scandal, ten days later!!
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Is It a Vermont Thing?
I am on a plane from Boston to LA and people have amazed me again, or confused. I am not sure if I am the way I am because of the way I was raised, or because of where I spent most of my early years, or if it is something I was born with, but I do know that the more time passes and the more our world becomes a me world the more different I feel and the more disappointed I am in the world we live in.
There is a gentleman in the row behind me that needs crutches to get around. I am not sure exactly what his ailment is, but he needed to the lav and so he pushed the "call" button for a flight attendant to get his crutches. When he had come back I had decided to get up and take a walk up, and down, the plane to stretch my legs a bit. I happened to get out in the isle, from my wonderful middle seat, just as he settled back into his seat and he had just pressed the call button. I reached out and offered to return his crutches for him since I was up. No big deal, not a lot of effort involved, something that I firmly believe should be second nature to all.
The reaction from the crowd was simply amazing, or as I said before, confusing, or maybe even troubling. The looks I got from people was as if I had just tried to steal this guys candy, or like I was weird for "getting involved." It is like being in the city when someone nearby is being harassed, or being in a public place when a parent is obviously mistreating their child. No one wants to get involved. No one wants to help their fellow "man," or woman. People think that being aware of your surroundings, noticing what is going on, and trying to help out is rude, or intrusive!! Horseshit!!
My mother lost a friend this year because she was simply concerned for her, and what this woman's husband was going through. She offered her help and it turns out that these people found this to be "intrusive," their word not mine. We, my siblings, my cousins and I grew up in an environment, on "the street," where everyone was always there for everyone else, or so is my recollection. If someone needed something you were there for them, whether it was something big or something small. No one ever really had to ask, and they definitely never had to ask twice. I don't know why it is that people just do not seem to be that way anymore.
It is funny because our world has changed so much today with Twitter and Facebook. People on the other side of the world are considered "friends," and everyone knows every little thing that is going on in everyone else's lives, and somehow that is OK, but put those people in front of one another and it is different. A few weeks ago someone I know in town posted that their son had been in a horrible accident and was in the hospital in the ICU. The reaction on Facebook was significant and very nice, but odd at the same time. First, if you "like" something on Facebook what does that really mean. Someone posts that their son is in the ICU and a bunch of people "like" that post. I don't think they mean that they like that he is in the ICU, but I really don't know what that means, and a bunch of folks posted "wishing you well let us know if we can do anything." What does that mean when half of those types of posts were from people not in the same state let alone in the same town.
In Vermont, and on "the street," people used to wave, say hello, Christ in some cases people would actually see someone going to their car from their living room window and poke their head outside and scream across the street, "good morning Aunt Dolly," or "good morning Rock." Please, thank you, excuse me, god forbid eye contact, were all good things!! Where has that gone, and why is it weird to do something nice, and why do the flight attendants get so over the top to say thank you to someone for simply offering to put a guys crutches away, or help someone with their bag?
I guess I am just weird.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Mortal
It is one thing to learn you are not invincible. Kids feel a certain degree of invincibility from day 1, or maybe day 730, the terrible twos, and young boys feel this to a degree that is beyond scary, for their parents that is. The first stitches I ever received was in fact when I was two, and the stitches, all to my head, kept coming from there; in my tongue when I was 4, the back of my head at seven, that was literally a bloody mess, and the worst one, at least to date, was the summer I turned 18, for which I got 18 stitches in my head, and a scare that to this day feels tender at times.
I definitely felt invincible when I was young, even after that 2 1/2 story fall from which I managed to land head first, and perhaps even more so.
My freshman year in college, and especially the winter term brought me down to earth a bit, and it was not more stitches, or even an injury of any kind, but being sick. I, like many college Freshman, got "the kissing disease" at some point late in my fall term and it actually caused me to collapse after a time trial in mid-November. I had the privilege of spending two weeks in the infirmary and then of being sick over the Christmas and Thanksgiving holidays and that took a great deal out of my invincible spirit, probably aided by having lost a very good friend less than a year before.
Regardless of how much invincible luster I may have lost while in college, I have never felt mortal, as one good friend of mine has said this year, "Rocchio, your problem is that you thought you had forever," and that is definitely what I have been coming down from of late, I definitely thought I had forever until very recently, I do not.
I do not know exactly why I feel this way right now, nor would I want to bore any of you, anymore than i already do, with the details, but I have in fact very suddenly realized that I am quite mortal. I no longer feel like I have forever, in fact I now feel that my days are very numbered. It is a claustrophobic feeling, a feeling like I have been buried alive and Ii am struggling for air. Also, I am left trying to figure out how I can in fact turn the clock back. I want to be able to do some of the things that as recently as a couple of years ago I could do and could do relatively well. It was four or five years ago that I was at y absolute fittest, at least from a cycling standpoint, and it was just two years ago, two years and seven months actually, that I was in solid running shape and as strong as I had been in no less than two decades. Now, all of that is gone and more.
I am slowly working to regain what I have lost. I am searching, mentally, emotionally, intellectual, and physically for answers. I am working hard and trying to make better decision along the way. It may sound crazy to say, but I do not want to feel mortal. I want to feel invincible again, or at the very least alive. I am a kid that has always gone a hundred miles an hour at all times in everything I did, and so for that not to be the case I guess it can be said that my spirit is broken, but I will get it back if at all possible, for Little Ant and Uncle Ed, and especially for Nini Rose.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Youth is Wasted On the Young
The old man sits on the porch watching George Bailey bumble and stumble his way through an attempted pass at Mary. The old man is annoyed, impatient, and grumpy. He then utters some of the most famous words ever uttered in a movie, "youth i wasted on the young" before he storms inside his house.
I have always loved this movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," for those of you that have not yet caught up, and I have always liked this line, the only problem is that I now find myself on the other side of it.
Another older but goody, "if I only new then what I know now," but that of course is impossible. I now have a profound sense for what that old man on the porch was feeling.
As I sit here listening to classical music that I often listened to when I was in college, I realize that it is the things I enjoy, that I have always enjoyed, that which I like to do that has been wasted, and youth is not wasted so much as lost. When was the last time that I road, or ran, or played for two or three hours every day, six days a week? Too long is the simple answer.
We go from walking, running, riding everywhere, from when playing games and chasing the latest infatuation is all that matters to trying to do what is right, expected, responsible, and some are quite good at it, some even enjoy it, easier perhaps when that comes with house, family, kids and grandkids, but then again harder at the same time. I don't really know, but I am sure that I don't have answers.
I am certain of a couple of things, and my "friends" occasionally help with some of these harsh realities, it is true that in some way I thought I had forever, or at least I did live life a bit that way. It is also true that I may not have taken full advantage of some of the opportunities that were in front of me, but then again, I have had experiences, experiences that I will truly never forget, at least as long as I have a memory, and many of the experiences would fall into the once in a lifetime kind, or at least close to it.
My father has always said, among many things, that I "suffer life," and this too is probably true, but I guess the good side of that is that I have most definitely felt life along the way, sometimes as good as humanly possible and sometimes so bad that I wished I could no longer feel, but I have felt it all.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
I have always loved this movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," for those of you that have not yet caught up, and I have always liked this line, the only problem is that I now find myself on the other side of it.
Another older but goody, "if I only new then what I know now," but that of course is impossible. I now have a profound sense for what that old man on the porch was feeling.
As I sit here listening to classical music that I often listened to when I was in college, I realize that it is the things I enjoy, that I have always enjoyed, that which I like to do that has been wasted, and youth is not wasted so much as lost. When was the last time that I road, or ran, or played for two or three hours every day, six days a week? Too long is the simple answer.
We go from walking, running, riding everywhere, from when playing games and chasing the latest infatuation is all that matters to trying to do what is right, expected, responsible, and some are quite good at it, some even enjoy it, easier perhaps when that comes with house, family, kids and grandkids, but then again harder at the same time. I don't really know, but I am sure that I don't have answers.
I am certain of a couple of things, and my "friends" occasionally help with some of these harsh realities, it is true that in some way I thought I had forever, or at least I did live life a bit that way. It is also true that I may not have taken full advantage of some of the opportunities that were in front of me, but then again, I have had experiences, experiences that I will truly never forget, at least as long as I have a memory, and many of the experiences would fall into the once in a lifetime kind, or at least close to it.
My father has always said, among many things, that I "suffer life," and this too is probably true, but I guess the good side of that is that I have most definitely felt life along the way, sometimes as good as humanly possible and sometimes so bad that I wished I could no longer feel, but I have felt it all.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Friday, July 15, 2011
To Flush or Not to Flush
Men are morons!! At least no less than 98 % of them are, and I have the proof, flushing a toilet is literally a one step process, actually it is almost a half a step because you only have to push the lever down, it comes back up on its own, but the vast majority of men simply cannot accomplish this simplest of feats.
Now, there are many reasons for this, from shear and utter lack of focus, to the degree one would actually forget to finish the process, to complete lack of manners, or upbringing, or common courtesy, to my all-time favorite, pride of accomplishment.
Yes, I said pride of accomplishment. There are a great many boys, whom become young men, and/or college students, and then eventually fully grown men, that somehow believe this to be an accomplishment of which they should be proud, so proud as to make want to marvel, pay homage to, gaze upon, and ultimately leave behind their accomplishment for others to witness.
Fellas, you are morons for many more reasons than just this, and so far more unbelievable, but I figured we must start somewhere. The answer to tonight's question is simple, flush!! Please.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Now, there are many reasons for this, from shear and utter lack of focus, to the degree one would actually forget to finish the process, to complete lack of manners, or upbringing, or common courtesy, to my all-time favorite, pride of accomplishment.
Yes, I said pride of accomplishment. There are a great many boys, whom become young men, and/or college students, and then eventually fully grown men, that somehow believe this to be an accomplishment of which they should be proud, so proud as to make want to marvel, pay homage to, gaze upon, and ultimately leave behind their accomplishment for others to witness.
Fellas, you are morons for many more reasons than just this, and so far more unbelievable, but I figured we must start somewhere. The answer to tonight's question is simple, flush!! Please.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Lottery
If I were to win the lottery...
This is a chat that I have had with a few friends of late. I realize that to think about winning the lottery is probably not the most sensible retirement plan, but then again why not. The reality is, and it may sound strange, but what seems to have me thinking about this most is my desire to help those I care for. As I realized on my drive Sunday, even ten grand would be a help to most, and thus would be nice to do.
So here is my plan for when I win the lottery:
This is a chat that I have had with a few friends of late. I realize that to think about winning the lottery is probably not the most sensible retirement plan, but then again why not. The reality is, and it may sound strange, but what seems to have me thinking about this most is my desire to help those I care for. As I realized on my drive Sunday, even ten grand would be a help to most, and thus would be nice to do.
So here is my plan for when I win the lottery:
- My mother would be able to truly retire and would hire people to do everything for her
- My sisters would be very well taken care of, as well as my nieces and nephews, their children
- My dad would only have to keep his title as the Godfather of Alumni Gym if he chose to
- There are friends of mine from the West Coast to the East Coast that would get significant help, commiserate with their needs; Kevin and Ruhl less because they are hugely successful, Mikey and Sal more because they have worked hard enough in their lives, Sage would be covered quite a bit because there are no shortage of people to help him spend his money, and we would not let them know
- All those that have come to call me Uncle Rock would definitely have less to worry about. These are amazing kids that have been a great part of my life. They never fail to make me laugh and/or smile, especially when they help me drive their dads crazy!!
- Field turf and a small locker and office building to truly create the lacrosse compound for the Broncos. It would not take much to make this great.
Sage took me through how to set this up so everyone gets their piece of the pie without excessive taxation, so all we have to do now is win.
I realize I did not mention everyone, but you get the point.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Fatherhood
It may very well be true that there is a certain degree of social ineptitude on my part when it comes to those in my age bracket, give or take 20 years, but it has also always been true that old people and kids love me. The irony there is that with older people I am very patient and very kind, but I also tend to relate to them as kids to a certain extent, where kids, I have always found respond better if I treat them, and speak to them, as grown ups, or as grown up as possible.
When I was in college there was a little boy next door, 3 or 4 years old, that was yelled at, disciplined and almost unwanted when he was home. Then when I was asked to watch him we would do things together, like cooking, or cleaning. Simple stuff, and not really intense, but I would speak to him as if he were someone I could count on and give him little tasks to do, and we always enjoyed our time together.
I love kids, and I always have. Even the work I do with youth kids coaching goes well because the kids from 4 to 14 respond very well. Teaching skiing was the same way. I was terrified when I first taught skiing of the prospect of teaching kids, not because of the teaching part, but because of the immense responsibility of having six to eight kids to keep alive for two hours.
After I had been teaching for a few years I began to teach kids, everything from the "never evers" and "half pints" to the higher end semi privates for three to six hours of keeping them entertained, safe, warm, and learning, and not only did my students love it, but so did I.
I do not know that I could do the infant stage, as I still to this do have never changed a diaper, a record I would like not to break, but once they are mobile and starting to be a handful, that is the stuff I know I am good at. I also don't know about having a girl, as I would be very tempted to lock her in a closet, or shoot anyone that looked at her, or both, but I know that what my friends and family have always said is true, I would in fact make a good father.
Problem is, with as incredibly single as I am, and have been for some time, I doubt that Fatherhood is in my future at this point. Too bad really. Fatherhood is something that was always in the plan.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
When I was in college there was a little boy next door, 3 or 4 years old, that was yelled at, disciplined and almost unwanted when he was home. Then when I was asked to watch him we would do things together, like cooking, or cleaning. Simple stuff, and not really intense, but I would speak to him as if he were someone I could count on and give him little tasks to do, and we always enjoyed our time together.
I love kids, and I always have. Even the work I do with youth kids coaching goes well because the kids from 4 to 14 respond very well. Teaching skiing was the same way. I was terrified when I first taught skiing of the prospect of teaching kids, not because of the teaching part, but because of the immense responsibility of having six to eight kids to keep alive for two hours.
After I had been teaching for a few years I began to teach kids, everything from the "never evers" and "half pints" to the higher end semi privates for three to six hours of keeping them entertained, safe, warm, and learning, and not only did my students love it, but so did I.
I do not know that I could do the infant stage, as I still to this do have never changed a diaper, a record I would like not to break, but once they are mobile and starting to be a handful, that is the stuff I know I am good at. I also don't know about having a girl, as I would be very tempted to lock her in a closet, or shoot anyone that looked at her, or both, but I know that what my friends and family have always said is true, I would in fact make a good father.
Problem is, with as incredibly single as I am, and have been for some time, I doubt that Fatherhood is in my future at this point. Too bad really. Fatherhood is something that was always in the plan.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
...Or Is It
7
13
17
18
21
22
24
37
40
41
43
44
45
Film at 11:00.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
13
17
18
21
22
24
37
40
41
43
44
45
Film at 11:00.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Why Not Write
Too much time spent on others combined with too little care about me.
Trying to focus more on what matters to me, but don't know how.
Need to start writing more often just to eat, sleep, breath.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Trying to focus more on what matters to me, but don't know how.
Need to start writing more often just to eat, sleep, breath.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
2011 Bracket
I know this is lame, but can't help it. This is about all I have the brainpower to do right now.
If the MCLA tourney committee meets for more than 5 minutes tonight, four to say hello and 1 to agree, there is a problem. Their jobs got easy when SUNY Buffalo upset BC to grab the last AQ. That eliminated the debate over Utah or UCF because now neither one gets in. Here is what the answer should now be:
If the MCLA tourney committee meets for more than 5 minutes tonight, four to say hello and 1 to agree, there is a problem. Their jobs got easy when SUNY Buffalo upset BC to grab the last AQ. That eliminated the debate over Utah or UCF because now neither one gets in. Here is what the answer should now be:
- Michigan
- Colorado State
- BYU
- Chapman
- Arizona State
- Michigan State
- Colorado
- Texas
- Florida State
- Boston College
- Cal Poly
- Oregon
- UCSB
- SUNY Buffalo
- Minnesota Duluth
- Lindenwood
I call it like I see it. The only team outside of the top 10 that gets in other than an AQ is UCSB, which is funny because they actually deserve it this year. That gives the SLC 3 teams and the RMLC 3 teams. Utah is the odd team out...again.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
No Way to Know
I walked into an office today that I was asked to visit and walked out with a sizable sponsorship for our team. The point? I am best one on one, or commanding a team. I am a reluctant leader, and a sensitive lover. I am giving and generous, not just to a fault, but to my own detriment. I am both right and left brained, apparently, because I can act, write, paint, and design bridges, build buildings and teach math.
I don't even get me, but am still trying. I am a geek, and a jock, an artist, and a scientist. An introverted extrovert, or an extroverted introvert. I can watch movies all day long or vedge out n front of a TV. I can get more done in an hour or a day than most people can in a month, and with all of this said, I am the least secure person I know.
If I won the lottery I would keep just enough to live modestly on( nice house, new Volvo XC to replace the one I have now and finally the Porsch Carrera that I have wanted forever, and almost bought when I lived in Europe, just to honor my Uncle Ed) and then I would divide the rest up between my mom, my three sisters and my nieces and nephews, plus the friends that have always been there for me. Whatever was left would go to cancer research.
If you are looking for a sugar daddy then you are right we are not a match, because I have taken care of everyone else all my life and left little for myself. Other than that all you can say is that you do not want to get to know me, or find out, because you don't KNOW me at all.
Text, phone, e-mail, that is no way to communicate let alone get to know someone. Touch, smell, feel, look, listen, breath...that is the only way...
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
I don't even get me, but am still trying. I am a geek, and a jock, an artist, and a scientist. An introverted extrovert, or an extroverted introvert. I can watch movies all day long or vedge out n front of a TV. I can get more done in an hour or a day than most people can in a month, and with all of this said, I am the least secure person I know.
If I won the lottery I would keep just enough to live modestly on( nice house, new Volvo XC to replace the one I have now and finally the Porsch Carrera that I have wanted forever, and almost bought when I lived in Europe, just to honor my Uncle Ed) and then I would divide the rest up between my mom, my three sisters and my nieces and nephews, plus the friends that have always been there for me. Whatever was left would go to cancer research.
If you are looking for a sugar daddy then you are right we are not a match, because I have taken care of everyone else all my life and left little for myself. Other than that all you can say is that you do not want to get to know me, or find out, because you don't KNOW me at all.
Text, phone, e-mail, that is no way to communicate let alone get to know someone. Touch, smell, feel, look, listen, breath...that is the only way...
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Last of the Truly Great Men
What is most amazing about my uncle Ed is that as successful as he was, as talented as he was, as amazing a man, he always supported me, helped me, encouraged me, without any judgement whatsoever!!
Edward Donatelli is gone. He passed this morning. For him it was a long time coming, for me, and for us, it is far too soon.
Uncle Ed was a man among men, but in a quiet and unassuming way. He drove the most amazing car ever made, the Porsche Carrera. He flew planes. He built a plane in the basement of the office, or at least he worked on it for a long time, I never did see it finished. He and his brothers built big buildings together, in my mind they built the city of Providence.
More than that though, Uncle Ed was a cornerstone of our family. He was solid, consistent, quiet, caring, thoughtful. He loved his wife more than anything and was always there for her right to the end of her days, and ultimately to the beginning of the end for him. He was there for his son, Little Eddy, imaginative knick name I know, and he was very much there for his grandsons Craig and Kieth, who were in turn there for him, both in their own ways.
He always made time for me and me for him. I would always visit "the street" on my way into and/or out of Rhode Island, and then later into or out of New England, and as time wore on "the street" shrunk to parking in front of Uncle Ed's, go in to see him, walk across the street to see Red and Uncle Baby and then drive away.
A year or so ago, maybe a little longer they made me stop bringing him Hot Weiners. Also the last time I have had one. Not sure I ever will again now. I also had to stop taking him for a drive in whatever car I had rented. Nobody ever really knew this, but the faster the car I could rent the happier it made him.. Man he loved the red Mustang Convertible. We didn't go far, but that didn't matter, he loved it just the same.
Visiting the office always followed the same pattern, bug Gram, say hello to uncle Anthony, go down the hall and say hello to Uncle Bobby as he leaned over whatever he was estimating at that moment, pipe in hand, or between his teeth, and then find Uncle Eddy and proceed downstairs to get the update on the plane.
With his passing goes what is left of the past, the good old days, growing up surrounded by family. They are all gone now, those that represent the past. Uncle Bobby is thankfully still here, but being a year older than dad he was almost a different generation. There is a picture of the older five somewhere, no Uncle Bobby and no Gram, but such a great picture. Wonder where that is now. Everyone in it are now sitting around a table, a table full of amazing food prepared by Gram, with their wives and Gramps, all having a blast and talking about the good old days.
Thank you Uncle Eddy for believing in me, or for loving me no matter what, or both. I am glad that going West made yo so happy, but I am sorry I couldn't have been with you more.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Edward Donatelli is gone. He passed this morning. For him it was a long time coming, for me, and for us, it is far too soon.
Uncle Ed was a man among men, but in a quiet and unassuming way. He drove the most amazing car ever made, the Porsche Carrera. He flew planes. He built a plane in the basement of the office, or at least he worked on it for a long time, I never did see it finished. He and his brothers built big buildings together, in my mind they built the city of Providence.
More than that though, Uncle Ed was a cornerstone of our family. He was solid, consistent, quiet, caring, thoughtful. He loved his wife more than anything and was always there for her right to the end of her days, and ultimately to the beginning of the end for him. He was there for his son, Little Eddy, imaginative knick name I know, and he was very much there for his grandsons Craig and Kieth, who were in turn there for him, both in their own ways.
He always made time for me and me for him. I would always visit "the street" on my way into and/or out of Rhode Island, and then later into or out of New England, and as time wore on "the street" shrunk to parking in front of Uncle Ed's, go in to see him, walk across the street to see Red and Uncle Baby and then drive away.
A year or so ago, maybe a little longer they made me stop bringing him Hot Weiners. Also the last time I have had one. Not sure I ever will again now. I also had to stop taking him for a drive in whatever car I had rented. Nobody ever really knew this, but the faster the car I could rent the happier it made him.. Man he loved the red Mustang Convertible. We didn't go far, but that didn't matter, he loved it just the same.
Visiting the office always followed the same pattern, bug Gram, say hello to uncle Anthony, go down the hall and say hello to Uncle Bobby as he leaned over whatever he was estimating at that moment, pipe in hand, or between his teeth, and then find Uncle Eddy and proceed downstairs to get the update on the plane.
With his passing goes what is left of the past, the good old days, growing up surrounded by family. They are all gone now, those that represent the past. Uncle Bobby is thankfully still here, but being a year older than dad he was almost a different generation. There is a picture of the older five somewhere, no Uncle Bobby and no Gram, but such a great picture. Wonder where that is now. Everyone in it are now sitting around a table, a table full of amazing food prepared by Gram, with their wives and Gramps, all having a blast and talking about the good old days.
Thank you Uncle Eddy for believing in me, or for loving me no matter what, or both. I am glad that going West made yo so happy, but I am sorry I couldn't have been with you more.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Time
I don't care if your are ten or a hundred, make that 99 1/2, sweet or evil, no one deserves to die, and no one should go before their time, before they are done.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Over Automated
So I have a simple question...do we really need a car that tells us as soon as we get in it what the world thinks of us through Facebook??
I don't understand our world anymore!! I like seeing someone face on an airplane as we have a conversation and I realize she is the sweetest person I have met in a long time. I think there is something to be sad for the anticipation of a phone call, or and e-mail, or god forbid...a letter or card!!
Direct human interaction is an endangered species!!
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
I don't understand our world anymore!! I like seeing someone face on an airplane as we have a conversation and I realize she is the sweetest person I have met in a long time. I think there is something to be sad for the anticipation of a phone call, or and e-mail, or god forbid...a letter or card!!
Direct human interaction is an endangered species!!
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Hostess with The Mostess
There is no better food than the Hostess Powdered donettes!! This is a food group unto itself, and a food group that I went away from for a very long time. I do not know why!!
Thank you again for getting this far with me...even though this one wasn't actually very far.
Thank you again for getting this far with me...even though this one wasn't actually very far.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Hiatus
For those that have wondered, I have done six rather large paintings this winter, been working and coaching, so had to stop writing for a while. I now have painters block, as a large, very large, canvas sits on the easel, so away we go here again.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Clarification
Awoke early feeling the need to clarify what I wrote last night, even though I never even read what I write.
I am attracted to women, always have been always will be. For the most part I am disgusted and embarrassed by what asses most men make of themselves, and oh by the way, I have always been and will always be a one woman man, and would love to be off the market soon Stanford!!
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
I am attracted to women, always have been always will be. For the most part I am disgusted and embarrassed by what asses most men make of themselves, and oh by the way, I have always been and will always be a one woman man, and would love to be off the market soon Stanford!!
Thank you again for getting this far with me.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saying It Out Loud
I can no longer tell a lie, I like women!! Always have, always will. When I was younger I used to get in trouble at the beach because my cousin and I, rest in peace Ant, used to peek over the divider at the cabana at the "older" women showering. My guess would be that older then was anyone with breasts.
There is an unbelievable irony to what I am writing, for two reasons, one, every man on the planet, heterosexual man on the planet, likes women from 18 to 38, for some 48, and it does not change. The younger the guy the lower the top part of the range is, and most men try to put this off, or won't admit it, but it is true of all. I just say it out loud because I have never hidden anything about myself from anyone. Two, I can't stand the way most men are today. The way they act, the way they treat women, the fact that 98 % of the men on the planet do not know how to flush a toilet!!
I don't drink, don't smoke, try very hard not to swear in front of women, open doors, all the things I was taught growing up, and yet somehow being honest about the basic human biological, and visual, fact that I am attracted to women gets me in trouble. Oh by the way, add to that that I do believe in basic social courtesies, like saying hello, asking someone how they day is, and so on. What is funny is that when I say to a 60 or 70 year old man "how are you today young man," and give him a smile and try to lighten his day, nobody cares. If I am in my coaching attire and offer young kids a high five nobody seems to care. Do the same thing with a woman of the "wrong" age and I am "creeping" on them. Horeshit!!
I like women. I am glad I do. I don't like how much trouble they have caused me in life, but other than that I like the way they look, I like the way they smell, I like it when they are a little crazy, and I do not see anything wrong with that, and so I am saying it out loud!! I no longer care if society thinks it OK.
Thank you again for getting this far with me,
There is an unbelievable irony to what I am writing, for two reasons, one, every man on the planet, heterosexual man on the planet, likes women from 18 to 38, for some 48, and it does not change. The younger the guy the lower the top part of the range is, and most men try to put this off, or won't admit it, but it is true of all. I just say it out loud because I have never hidden anything about myself from anyone. Two, I can't stand the way most men are today. The way they act, the way they treat women, the fact that 98 % of the men on the planet do not know how to flush a toilet!!
I don't drink, don't smoke, try very hard not to swear in front of women, open doors, all the things I was taught growing up, and yet somehow being honest about the basic human biological, and visual, fact that I am attracted to women gets me in trouble. Oh by the way, add to that that I do believe in basic social courtesies, like saying hello, asking someone how they day is, and so on. What is funny is that when I say to a 60 or 70 year old man "how are you today young man," and give him a smile and try to lighten his day, nobody cares. If I am in my coaching attire and offer young kids a high five nobody seems to care. Do the same thing with a woman of the "wrong" age and I am "creeping" on them. Horeshit!!
I like women. I am glad I do. I don't like how much trouble they have caused me in life, but other than that I like the way they look, I like the way they smell, I like it when they are a little crazy, and I do not see anything wrong with that, and so I am saying it out loud!! I no longer care if society thinks it OK.
Thank you again for getting this far with me,
Friday, January 28, 2011
What Now
She is out there
I have come face to face with my future
She is interesting and interested
Sweet and sexy
Smart, talented, and funny
I have looked her in the eyes and didn't want to stop
An e-mail was sent
Flowers in blue
A hand written note from the heart
There is a slight pang of hopefulness
There is a sad ache of a passed moment
I would ask tomorrow with no reservations
Nothing but joy
What now
LLG
I have come face to face with my future
She is interesting and interested
Sweet and sexy
Smart, talented, and funny
I have looked her in the eyes and didn't want to stop
An e-mail was sent
Flowers in blue
A hand written note from the heart
There is a slight pang of hopefulness
There is a sad ache of a passed moment
I would ask tomorrow with no reservations
Nothing but joy
What now
LLG
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